Who Caught Who, And 'Who' Was The Prize

Back when we were single and footloose and fancy free I went to Ireland on vacation with a couple of buddies, backpacking and keeping it as cheap as we could. I met a young lass with a tattoo of a spider on her face and a couple of nipple rings and the proverbial clitoris j*welry (these of course I discovered later that evening). She wasn't Irish at all, an import from Eastern Europe.

The sex was so so, she was into having it done to her but she was otherwise uninterested. I found out that she was a professional and not an amateur, over for the weekend with a friend from Amsterdam. She had given me a freebie. Quite frankly, no fight, no price, made it cheap and sloppy. No fun there.

We hung out the next day, she was totally unashamed and either went around topless or was positioning herself for another round, how do you like it? Ass up, tied to the bed post, face covered, anyway you like it, it was her free weekend. One would think, being red blooded and everything, that it was seventh heaven, but it got old in a hurry. Nothing to buy here, then what's the purpose.

I got home and back to college and I told this one girl I knew pretty well about my experience. She answered quickly, if you get the cow the milk's for free. We talked about it and I told her that the game was rigged and I didn't get any satisfaction out of it. So it is, she told me wisely, you didn't win anything. I told her in my own words that not going hunting made the meal that much worse.

She was nice about it and told me that we could go running, to blow off steam. If I could catch her I could have her, let's see what happens. Of course she didn't tell me that she was a very experienced runner and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't catch her. But it was worse than that, she played with me, staying just out of reach, measuring her gait to match mine, just five steps ahead of me. When we got back she told me she was disappointed, looked like she wasn't getting laid.

My appetite for her had gone from zero to a hundred. Try as I might I could not match her, not jogging, not cooking, not in cards, not in an argument. What ever it was it was a competition and she wasn't available until I caught her. Until that day, by luck believe me, I managed to come up on her when she was zoned out and running. I grabbed her and told her now I've got you. "Got me, for what?" I told her, you said if I caught you I could have you.

She said if she knew that I wanted a relationship I should have told her, but as far as sex was concerned she didn't put out that easy. She had to be romanced, and treated real nice and earn a place at the table. No, she wasn't that easy. A girl needs to be partied, and she wants a ring and the bridal shower and the big old wedding at the First Baptist Church, with a party at the Country Club with live music. Nothing's free baby, showing me her naked ring finger.

It took a year from the time I got back from Ireland for her to let me put a ring on her finger, and then six months of engagement, and her big old wedding party. Then, in our wedding night room at the Hyatt, she stood in her wedding night gown and told me. "I'm not a whore".

Yes dear, I now that, and just like that she owned me.