Summers With Older Cousin

I had a roving eye for my cousin that was 3 years senior, right from the time I was 10. We used to visit each others homes during summer holidays and for family get-together events. The summer of 77, all of the extended family landed in my home including cousins ranging in ages from 9 to 13. I would always hang around her but was afraid of initiating physical contact. We were playing hide and seek in our home one late evening when we had a power-cut as we were asked to stay indoors when this started. One of the younger cousins was the seeker and the home was mostly dark. When I went to hide behind a door, I found that there was someone hiding there already. As I started to leave for another spot, the person pulled me in to hide together. It was then that I realized that it was the object of my young lust. I held her closely with the feigned intent of not being seen and she did not mind. She could hear my heart throbbing furiously and whispered why and I said I was afraid of being found. She then held me even more closely. She was a little taller than me and emboldened, I remember putting my head on her shoulder and and my hands on her soft immature breasts. During the next round of play we sought each other again and hid together and my arms were all over her. I had not discovered mastrubation at that point in my life and my method of relieving myself was to wash my little erect dick under a faucet and the pressure of the water would trigger an orgasm after several minutes. As we grew older ,during every visit, we will sneak upstairs and we would make-out for hours. But she never let me feel her vag not would she touch my dick. She would say it was wrong because we were cousins. I had no sisterly feelings for her nor did I have any romantic attraction. It was purely physical. I even had a long make-out session on the day before her wedding and the summer after she had her son. I have met her several times over the last 3 decades but the flame has since died. But I still fondly remember the summers and always wonder what I could have done differently to loosen her inhibitions. I had considered exposing myself but I was afraid she might have been intimidated and I might loose what I was getting. Maybe I should have pretended to be romantic, praised her beauty, and read her sex scenes from my Irving Wallace novels.