Regrets

I left my husband last year. We're divorced. When we met I was a very out going girl fun loving girl but not many guys were interested in me because I was a pretty big girl. We dated, had great sex, did everything together, got married and had two girls. Life was great but I was huge and unhealthy. My pregnancies had taken their toll. My husband stopped having sex with me. I got a great job, great friends and slowly I started dreading going home. I started dieting and walking with the girls from work and a year later men started showing me attention. Six months later and I was being approached by guys at work and wherever. All of a sudden I was attractive to men yet my husband still wasn't interested. I need intimacy and closeness and I wasn't getting it at home and eventually I was so miserable I left my husband and it was a nightmare. Several men tried to talk me into cheating but I thought I owed it to my husband and family to do it right and divorce.

I've dated a few guys, been having sex, a lot of sex. Much better sex than I ever got from my ex-husband. I've really enjoyed meeting new guys, exploring, the sex of course. But I miss having a family. Sharing my kids is very difficult, the disruption to their lives, the destruction of my relationship with my ex-in-laws, my own family standing off, blaming me. My mother and two sisters kept telling to just have affairs. Have as many as you wat, just be careful they said. he'll never know and it won't matter. Turns out that's what they all have done in their marriages and have most of my friends.

Affairs. Now that I've had sex with a bunch of men as a newly single woman. I wish I'd listened to them. These guys so far are fun to be with and like having sex with me but they aren't looking for anything real, they just want fun. Meanwhile, I'm miserable when ever my kids are with their father and I'm on my own. I can fill the hole entirely with sex. I could have easily had an affair or quick sex with a multitude of guys and kept my family together. At least until the kids were older and things would be easier. People are saying to give it time. It feels like part of my life died. Maybe sometimes, cheating is the correct choice.