I Have A Very Complicated Relationship For Someone My Age

I've talked about these things with my closest girlfriend, like having unwanted parenting relationship from a man at work. My situation is typical, single unattached, with an older boss. I'm 'his' secretary. Not that I am his secretary, I'm 'his' secretary. The business isn't very big in many ways but it is very big in others. We have 350 employees and gross 400 million a year. Notice I say 'we'.

My boss has taken on the role of being my parent. Including permissions and him paying for things that are out of reach economically for me. I have full access to his life, including the lake house, cars, money, his bed. That's where I became 'his'. He is very possessive of me.

I have a lot of latitude. But I have to be careful of how I behave. No intimate relationships. Believe me, anything even approaching that and I'm immediately shut down. His means 'his'. I do have a friends group of people my age, but by now they all know that I am not free to just pick up and go to Vegas, or free to spend the night somewhere. I have a curfew and my girlfriends respect it. They do not want to be on his sore side either.

I went to a small college and got a degree in marketing. While in college I lost a very close friend to a m****r while she was vacationing with her parents in Mexico. After that I barely passed and graduated with a 2.1 gpa. I'm still mourning her, I've come to understand that she is the one person I have ever truly loved. I went to therapy in college but it never did anything for me. I've been able to find peace with my boss, he's really the one that has helped me with her loss. He's the only one I have ever been able to talk to about just how close we were and that I was so in love with her.

I wake up sometimes and just go sit in the chair beside the bed and watch him sleep. I can sit there for an hour and the time just stands still. Then I get cold and have to go get in bed with him and have him hold me to get warm again. I have only ever had sex with him. My friend and I never had sex, but I know now that we stood on the edge but we never got up the nerve to take the next step. We were too young, and scared. She called me from the airport before they left for Mexico, I remember telling her I loved her and to be careful and she told me she loved me to.

I pour all my feelings into him now. Its not that I am in love with him, I don't have that kind of feelings for him. It's very different, I'm his and that's the best way to put it. It's like a daughter belongs to her father. Sex with him is always very intense for me, the feeling of being possessed by him like that, knowing that I can just simply stop taking the pill and become pregnant. My friend and I talk about that a lot, how easy it is to become pregnant.

We talk about the difference between being a girl and being a woman, it's when you fully confront the fact that you can and will become pregnant. I will only become pregnant with him. I know that. I've stood for long moments holding the pill in my hand. My instinct is to stop, but I'm only 26 and that's awful young these days to become a mother. I think, well I really know, that I will be a good mother. I do agree with my friend that I need to talk to him first, not surprise him.

I've said a lot and gotten some things off my chest, like talking about my girlfriend which very few people know about. I live in a parent child relationship with a man that I also sleep with and I think about getting pregnant. That's what occupies my mind, all day every day.