I Cannot Stop Thinking About Having Sex With A Man

I’m in a lesbian relationship, the same one for two years. I think before I was genuinely in love with my girlfriend, but now all I can think about is how badly I want out. I want out specifically so I can find a boyfriend, or really any random, semi-decent man to just lay one on me.

I can’t stop missing the first few years of college, where I should’ve been experimenting and should’ve had someone in me. I can’t stop wishing one of the men that occasionally wander by my job would just ask for my number. I can’t stop fantasizing about everything I’ve never had. I have so many different things I’ve wanted to do sexually, but even when my girlfriend has attempted them with me I just feel disappointed. It feels like I lied to myself about being a Lesbian. I only said it because I was in such a point in life that I wanted anything, because I was desperate and self-conscious. I mean I still am, but I’m at the point where I’d do anything to just have a good fucking.

Now I would really be fine with a tinder guy. Anything to just meet some of my needs, or get tossed around and man handled. Emphasis on MAN handled. It seems though that the type of men I enjoy (skinny-nerdy white men), don’t usually go for women of my type (aka fat and maybe ugly). Another thing is that my girlfriend has broken my conscious down so much that I have no real idea what I look like, so even if I wanted to leave her just to have someone bend me over, I’d be too worried about how I actually look to said man.

I don’t know what to do :-?