Losing My Virginity With A Married Older Guy While Cheating On My Bf

I was 20 and still a virgin, I had a very low self-confidence, and whoever would look at me I would be grateful for the attention. I wasn't ugly just not confident. I started talking with an older guy, we would write letters to each other, talking about literature and different things. I was falling in love with him. And as I mentioned I figured my parents won't be excited about this "friendship" when he's older than me for 15 years. I was embarrassed that I'm still a virgin at that age, because I was so focused on studying. He seemed interested in me. Cute texts and stuff, we've met in person for a coffee (not a date).

I didn't want my first time with a person of my age - they don't know what they are doing, I always wanted someone older. Let's call my older lover G. We flirt a bit via texts, he invites me to an outdoor event, I go with him, we kiss in the forest in the night, I'm quite hopeful. I didn't know he was married and I doubt it would make a difference. When his wife was out of town he sends me very clear text that he wants me. I didn't tell him I was a virgin, didn't want to make things weird. I lied to my parents that I go to my girlfriend, I put sexy lingerie under my jeans and I'm excited, and thrilled, and scared - it will be happening!!! I came to his apartment and he has candles, desserts, wine etc. We're kissing, I can't wait and then he says: "I don't see you as a lover, I see you as a FRIEND" and I was just noooooooooo I slept on his couch, humiliated and embarrassed. I left his apartment in the morning super mad, and decided not to speak with him for awhile. It stung.

And a few weeks go by, then a text message pops up again hinting at having sex with me. I agree to come, it's daytime, more casual, I'm wondering if he's going to fool me twice. No candles, but he's still nicely shaven and after shower. We're kissing a bit - again, he is taking off my turtleneck, and bra - again, undresses me fully -again, pushes me to the couch. I'm naked on my back with my legs spread for my guy. And this time he fucks me. Something unlocked at this moment inside us, we would fuck a lot during our 3 year affair. He will fuck me in every hole. Whatever his wife or another girlfriend won't do - I will and I will actually enjoy it. I didn't realize how much on a freaky side I was. Still love a good fuck. We will fuck in SO MANY public places. Having him fucked me in the dark park in November is one of very good memories as well as stripping in front of hist door while he was looking into the peephole. I stopped seeing him when I got engaged but I regret that. Should've fucked him some more.