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Lesbian Stories
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Lesbian Female / 46
Fighting Satan, Accepting My Unwanted Congenital Condition
As seniors in high school we had permission to leave school for lunch. That day my new girlfriend and I drove to my house and had a first time sexual fling. My neighbor saw us, called my mother and my mother broke in as I was deep between her legs so I didn't hear her. She hit me with my softball glove shoving me off her. The rumors were true, she saw me herself.
I was pulled out of school and taken to a conversion institution and left there for six months. I missed graduation, had to get a GRE, I pretended to be cured of Satan's hold. I wasn't allowed to go off to college, I was only allowed out with a chaperone, a brother, a sister, a mother, grandmother or father. Never alone. I also had daily prayers, twice a week sessions.
I finished a two year degree at 21, I was taken to various dinners, group activities to meet eligible bachelors. I was 'promised' to a recently graduated doctor going to psychiatry residency. Married I was finally trustworthy, but not enough that my mother told me not to ruin my life. Have a baby she told me, and don't get involved with some other girl. Satan was just around the corner so make my church life central to being a worthy member of society.
For this last quarter century I went to church, had babies, worked for my husband as his office manager. And one night I told my husband of my high school behavior, of my stint at the conversion center, of keeping Satan out of my life. He listened, with his professional attention, told me that being lesbian wasn't Satan or a sickness, and conversion therapy didn't work.
With his help I became a lesbian again, accepted my persuasion. I have a life, a family, a husband. I'm not going to ruin my life, or my family. I wouldn't know how to act, what to do should I meet a like minded woman. It's enough to know I'm not crazy, that Satan doesn't own me. I do not want this 'word' lesbian to be attached to who I am. It's a condition, unwanted, congenital, a screw up in my wiring.
My one regret was not having the trust and confidence to confide in my husband earlier.
I was pulled out of school and taken to a conversion institution and left there for six months. I missed graduation, had to get a GRE, I pretended to be cured of Satan's hold. I wasn't allowed to go off to college, I was only allowed out with a chaperone, a brother, a sister, a mother, grandmother or father. Never alone. I also had daily prayers, twice a week sessions.
I finished a two year degree at 21, I was taken to various dinners, group activities to meet eligible bachelors. I was 'promised' to a recently graduated doctor going to psychiatry residency. Married I was finally trustworthy, but not enough that my mother told me not to ruin my life. Have a baby she told me, and don't get involved with some other girl. Satan was just around the corner so make my church life central to being a worthy member of society.
For this last quarter century I went to church, had babies, worked for my husband as his office manager. And one night I told my husband of my high school behavior, of my stint at the conversion center, of keeping Satan out of my life. He listened, with his professional attention, told me that being lesbian wasn't Satan or a sickness, and conversion therapy didn't work.
With his help I became a lesbian again, accepted my persuasion. I have a life, a family, a husband. I'm not going to ruin my life, or my family. I wouldn't know how to act, what to do should I meet a like minded woman. It's enough to know I'm not crazy, that Satan doesn't own me. I do not want this 'word' lesbian to be attached to who I am. It's a condition, unwanted, congenital, a screw up in my wiring.
My one regret was not having the trust and confidence to confide in my husband earlier.
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