It's A Mess, I Know.

Once upon a time I was self supporting, bought a house, had a career with prospects. That was once upon a time. Today I wait for child support to pay the rent, I can't afford child care so he pays and I owe him, he kisses me when putting money in my hand. He isn't above grabbing my ass.

I made the mistake of falling for a married man. One that thought it would be funny to get me pregnant, get me to quit my job, one that thought he would have me eating out of his hand. I don't like living off him, but he does. It makes him feel like a man. If it were his money it would be better.

I won't say I don't love him, I do. I can't take a monthly house allowance, and account for it to him. So instead I get kissed, and some time I get my ass grabbed, when he puts the envelope in my hand.

I know he loves me, and he surely loves his little one. I thought that I was going to get married, but my sister thought that wasn't going to be the way it was. She has the money, he has a job. The child support check is from her checkbook, signed by her, in the memo she always writes, give Jason our love. She makes sure I have enough money, but if he didn't bring it by I wouldn't get my kiss or get my ass grabbed.

I'll tell it like it is, she's my older sister. She didn't loan me her husband, but she understands. We played together growing up. She doesn't mind. She sends me more than I need, I put it away in a rainy day fund. No one saw this coming, but it did. Falling in love, you can't help that. I need much more than a kiss, a grab on the ass. She knows that. She tells me to be careful. I know that means don't get pregnant, again.