I Guess It Cant Hurt If They Don't Know

i don't know why I am finding this so hard to just give up all senses to allow myself the time and space to have self sex. I just feel like what is the point anymore? people told me to mix it up a bit to change the pattern and place and time and so. I feel like I have no choice.


I am just sick of it and being screwed around. Yet I know there are heaps of men I could love. but not all I want to give my body to due to past regrets of bad offerings on the table for selection made it a real go south thing to a muddle and boring level.

I don't want to hurt his feelings this new man I like. But he or the past ones just don't really make me feel the way I want to. And the one that does , its just so complicated and we never see each other and I am sick of him being disinterested in me.

I don't know what to do. I want a normal sex life and relationship and on my terms and not that party's dirty ways. They are like a political sex club and it's bad . I want better or nothing.