She Messed Me Up

My ex was sweet and loving but also manipulative and vindictive. We dated right after high school and I lost my virginity to her. She was not a virgin though. I was young and dumb and believed that putting up with someone's bullshit proved how much you love them so when she cheated on me, I forgave her... again and again. When I threatened to leave her, she'd turn on the manipulation skills and convince me to stay and of course, I gave in.

When she told me she wanted to do porn, it broke my heart. We fought and fought over it but she got her way and moved to FL. From what I know, she had a few interviews but never managed to film anything that got published for whatever reason but I DO know when slept around quite a bit while in FL.

We have since broken up but it left me with all sorts of trust and intimacy issues. It's really difficult for me to even get hard unless my wife tells me about her past sexual experiences or tells me stories about cheating on me (even though she doesn't) part of me thinks it would be really sexy to watch my wife fuck someone else but then my trust issues and jealousy kick in and it makes me angry and sad.

My ex really fucked me up but I'm the idiot who let it happen.