A Convoluted Life Experience, I Would Not Trade For Anything

I'm a dual national, American mother. One of five girls, the youngest and only lesbian. I went to college in the Northwest, and became involved in a long term lesbian relationship. It distanced me from my family, and took me into corners I never dreamed of. Two years after college, living in the bay area I ran away back to my family in my birth country. Traumatized by my experience I went into therapy.

I met a man by accident at a high school reunion, the older brother of a classmate. He ignored the rumors and forced a relationship. In a weak moment he overcame me and I became pregnant. Abortion or marriage, I could not commit abortion, my fate was now in the hands of a man I barely knew. I had a second son back to back, and feared I was again pregnant. My doctor told me I was with twins, this time girls. It crossed my mind more than once that I was in chains, kept in a straight world basement. I had been brought to heel, I now had a master.

I was just not unhappy, I loved my children like I never imagined, a life in chains was worth every minute with them. I had maids to help with the house, I refused nannies, I took care of my children. I had sisters, plenty of family babysitters. My husband had morphed into this larger than life older male. He wasn't just my husband, he became my rock, my life purpose. I was overwhelmed daily, I had made his children, I was his children's mother.

I'm older, a mother, a wife, a lesbian. I live with a platonic love for a very, very special lady. I'm my husband's. I can't see a day when he would turn a blind eye to me being carnally involved outside my marriage. These chains, my basement, this man, my husband, my life, my children, how could I ever imagine I would sit here looking back comparing my luck to the horror of my young lesbian existence.