I've Been His Lover For Ten Years And He Wants To Get Married

I got into an office romance when I was 27, I'm 37 now and this romance doesn't end. I was very, and I mean very, inexperienced and he was very, and I mean very, experienced. The playing field was anything but even. He had all the tools and I had zero tools for my own defense. As a girl in high school I took the covenant with my church to remain virgin until married. No one before him had ever seen me naked after I was old enough to dress myself, man or woman. I did not go to the woman doctor, I didn't need to. I was healthy and in good shape and ate well and exercised. My social life was complete, I volunteered with my church and had several good friends, all women. His penis was the first penis I saw live and when he got an erection I fainted (well almost) thinking he was going to stick that in me.

He gave me the round the world treatment the first time, in and out each hole in my body, asking me which one I liked better. I did not like anal and I told him, plus I felt that was worse than just dirty, but he took me anyways just to show me. I don't like oral sex that much, not at all really. I'm more comfortable, if you can call it that, on my back and he does everything. I don't like him looking at me naked and I don't like showering with him and having to wash his penis and having him wash up my butt crack. To him nothing is sacred, it's all for him anyway.

But he doesn't care. He sits in the easy chair he bought for my living room, which doesn't go with anything, and I have to undress garment by garment until I'm totally naked and I have to stand there while he 'gazes' on me, from the tip of my nose to the my knees. Spending more than a little time on my breasts and between my legs. I don't understand why he likes to see my butt naked, and why he insists that I wear a shirt without anything else, so he can see my butt cheeks when I walk and my nipples rubbing up against the fabric. It must be a guy thing, because it does nothing for me. I've had to adopt the position, laying across the dining table with my legs open and letting him have his oyster, what a name to call it. I don't think it looks like an oyster at all.

I run errands for him, not so much because I have to, I run his errands because I want to. I don't know why it gives me a good feeling to pick up his shirts and go to the CVS for him. I like to cook, I always did and I cook fresh meals for him daily. Which means that going out to eat is a once in a great while thing, he wants me to cook his dinner for him. I've learned to 'wear' things that make my boobs stand out, and panties that are way too small so he can see my vulva when its all wet and swollen. Again, ask me, I don't have any idea why that's supposed to be sexy.

I have been with him to look at rings and I have been with him to talk to the church. But I can't 'pull the trigger', I'm scared to get married. I can't imagine myself in a wedding gown and no panties, because I'm sure that's going to be one of the things he is going to ask for. His honeymoon vision is for me to lay over the balcony railing while he pushes my wedding gown over my behind and 'enjoys' himself with me. It's not funny really, and now that Hawaii is not the place to go for a honeymoon, I don't know what to do about getting married.

There is one more thing, he is 47 and he wants to get married so that I go ahead and have children, plural. To me getting married is the same as getting pregnant. I'm scared, I'm already 37, I should have just gotten pregnant when I was 27.