Finding Out You Are Queer

In my early days out of college I had a job in Chicago. I lived in a one bedroom a couple of blocks from work, expensive but I didn't need a car and I didn't have any obligations. I went to work around 7:45 in the morning, wearing a three piece suit and carrying a briefcase. I was one more of the hundreds of young professionals pounding the pavement in Chicago in the financial district.

On Fridays and Saturdays I spent them out at the bars and cheap eating places. I had met some people from the same apartment I lived in and a few from work. It was always fun, and if you got lucky you took someone home with you. I had never gotten that lucky, I was lucky if a girl talked to me.

Back at my apartment, across the from me lived Alfred. He was a flight attendant for United. Always well dressed, and he spent time in the gym, he shaved close and was talkative if we met in the hall. One Thursday he told me he was off Friday night maybe I wanted to get a beer with him. I had to break my plans with my friends and I got together with Alfred and he took me to a bar, completely away from where I usually met my friends.

It was dark and the the music was second rate. After a few minutes my eyes got used to the darkness, and there were only guys there, some at the bar, some against the wall talking, some at the small tables around the dance floor. And two guys dancing. "Uncomfortable" Alfred asked me. I said no, but I was. Hugely uncomfortable. Alfred led me to small table, in the darkness, and told me that is where he hung out and tried to get lucky. No girls here, he told me, big dicks, little dicks, that's what you found there. What was my pleasure?

What? What was he asking. What's your like in dicks, he asked me. Come on, he said, you do like dicks don't you? Here, let me show you, and he moved over to my side and grabbed my dick in my pants. Feel good? You like that, don't you? How about a kiss, you like that too, don't you? And with that he kissed me on the mouth and worked his tongue around the inside of my mouth, all the time squeezing my dick so hard it hurt. You do like dicks, don't you? He asked again.

See those two boys, see how they look at each other. Now if you looked at me like that I would know right away i could take you home with me and get lucky. And with that he kissed me again, pulling me close to him with his arm around my neck. Now seriously, what did you like most about the time you sucked your first dick? You can tell me, you know I suck dick, he told me. I tried to let him know he had me confused with someone, I had never sucked dick. But you like having your dick grabbed, and he grabbed my dick again. And you like being kissed. i know when a boy likes being kissed, I can feel it.

Now let's pretend you are here to pick me up. What do you do? Do you walk up and offer to buy me a beer, ask me to dance, what do you do? You want a man for the night, don't you? So how do you let the man know that want him to fuck you? Well first of all it's eye contact, just like girls make eye contact. You make eye contact with the man you want to go home with. By the way, you do have a condom on you, don't you? How can't you go out without a condom? You going to let him bareback you? Not advisable.

Well he kissed me some more, grabbed my dick some more, took me out on the dance floor and showed me how to follow, men lead, boys follow. Got it? He put my hand on his dick, that's a boy, no bend over and kiss it. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, he had his dick out of his pants and I had to lean down and kiss it. A long sweet wet kiss, now come on, kiss it? You are letting the man know you want him to take you home and fuck you. Now love that dick, show the dick you love it.

We were there for maybe two hours, when we left there were more guys dancing and some action going on in the booths in the dark, He walked me back, with his arm on my shoulder. When you walk with a man, you walk so you let the other guys on the street know you are being a taken home by a man to fuck you. Now let them know. You're getting fucked tonight, you're getting lucky.

It hurt. What can I say. It hurt. Both my feelings and my asshole. He fucked me on my bed, so that I would remember that I'm the one getting fucked when I go out with him. Sleep naked, he told me, when a man wakes up he wants to see his boy from last night in the light. He fucked me in the morning, before morning coffee. Makes the coffee so much better. For him, not for me.

I found out I'm a queer, I admit it now. But he already knew it.