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Women Only
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Lesbian Female / 46
Being A Lesbian Is A Lifelong Burden, An Affliction That Never Ends
I am a lesbian by birth but not by choice. I wish I wasn't. I don't support the whole 'movement'. There is nothing to be proud of. You are a miscalculation with no evolutionary advantage. I prefer the company of men on the intellectual plane. But I prefer the company of women on the woman plane. My first love was with a girl named Lorena. She was as embarrassed as I was to find ourselves in a lesbian embrace.
I went to a State College, one of those with 40 thousand students of every race, creed and set of beliefs. There were gays and lesbians, and red necks. Guys who treated girls like shit, and girls that treated guys like shit. I met a lesbian who believed that men were put on earth to be humiliated in public. And a girl who believed that men were put on earth to fuck her. I had lesbian sex with more than one girl, but not one that told me I needed to live with her. The sex yes, the lifestyle no. I graduated ever more aware of how terrible my affliction is.
I met a younger woman, I was a 'woman' but I thought of her as a girl. It was girl sex. I've never been into penetrating objects, what for? Not for me and not for her. We had sex, too much sex maybe. I woke up one sunny Sunday morning, and she was there, her head on my chest, her hand on my breast. Sound asleep in her dreams and I held her with my arm around her shoulder and let her sleep, watching my breast lift and recede, and her hand didn't move. I thought it was cute. I really kissed her that Sunday, not a sex kiss, I kissed and I slipped up and told her I loved her. I agree, always did, that lesbians do fall in love. For me it was my first time letting myself fall in love.
Living together was not easy. Too many confrontations. We ended up not living together. But we stayed together, we had sex with each other. We were 'friends' and lovers. Five years, became ten years, I turned forty. I turned forty and my clock hit me in the face. Forty. I had no family, no children, nothing. A job. A friend. But no future. It hit me hard, it got worse every day. I did the unthinkable I asked a male friend to get me pregnant. He agreed, but he knew what I refused to accept, that he was going to have to stay involved with me. My job just could not support me to raise a child. By staying involved, he meant that I had to get married to him. Legally.
I did. I did not live with him. In fact I got a lot closer to my girl 'friend' and she moved in with me. The pregnancy seemed so out of place, a forty year old woman. But I did fine, gained only twenty five pounds, my breasts got heavier and heavier, my girlfriend joked at how long this child was going to have to suck on them to get them back to their normal size. They never did return to their normal size. So I'm a big breasted woman. Waking up, with my girlfriend, her head on my chest , her hand on my breast, and my swollen belly. I kissed my girlfriend, not sexually, kissed her because I love her.
We live together and she helps me raise my child. My husband, he is legally my husband and I am legally his wife, provides the lion's share of our support. He gets free meals and time with his child. Sex isn't free and I really have to be in the mood but I don't deny him that pleasure. It's the rent. I am sure he could find a normal girl, but he gets in this mood when he 'wants' his wife. But I did not let my condition, my affliction, prevent me from fulfilling my manifest destiny of a new generation. Being a lesbian is a condition, it is not a lifestyle of choice. My girlfriend is a lesbian, she is 38 and her clock is loud and I hear it ticking. I'm serious when I tell her, don't surrender to this miscalculation. You be a mother, from your uterus, not mine. Be a mother and you will have a future.
I do realize, and so does she, that he can easily afford us both with children. We are lesbians, I didn't say we could support ourselves, not in the lifestyle we aspire to. It is very unfair to other lesbians. But he also benefits, we give him his future generations and trick this dead end affliction.
I went to a State College, one of those with 40 thousand students of every race, creed and set of beliefs. There were gays and lesbians, and red necks. Guys who treated girls like shit, and girls that treated guys like shit. I met a lesbian who believed that men were put on earth to be humiliated in public. And a girl who believed that men were put on earth to fuck her. I had lesbian sex with more than one girl, but not one that told me I needed to live with her. The sex yes, the lifestyle no. I graduated ever more aware of how terrible my affliction is.
I met a younger woman, I was a 'woman' but I thought of her as a girl. It was girl sex. I've never been into penetrating objects, what for? Not for me and not for her. We had sex, too much sex maybe. I woke up one sunny Sunday morning, and she was there, her head on my chest, her hand on my breast. Sound asleep in her dreams and I held her with my arm around her shoulder and let her sleep, watching my breast lift and recede, and her hand didn't move. I thought it was cute. I really kissed her that Sunday, not a sex kiss, I kissed and I slipped up and told her I loved her. I agree, always did, that lesbians do fall in love. For me it was my first time letting myself fall in love.
Living together was not easy. Too many confrontations. We ended up not living together. But we stayed together, we had sex with each other. We were 'friends' and lovers. Five years, became ten years, I turned forty. I turned forty and my clock hit me in the face. Forty. I had no family, no children, nothing. A job. A friend. But no future. It hit me hard, it got worse every day. I did the unthinkable I asked a male friend to get me pregnant. He agreed, but he knew what I refused to accept, that he was going to have to stay involved with me. My job just could not support me to raise a child. By staying involved, he meant that I had to get married to him. Legally.
I did. I did not live with him. In fact I got a lot closer to my girl 'friend' and she moved in with me. The pregnancy seemed so out of place, a forty year old woman. But I did fine, gained only twenty five pounds, my breasts got heavier and heavier, my girlfriend joked at how long this child was going to have to suck on them to get them back to their normal size. They never did return to their normal size. So I'm a big breasted woman. Waking up, with my girlfriend, her head on my chest , her hand on my breast, and my swollen belly. I kissed my girlfriend, not sexually, kissed her because I love her.
We live together and she helps me raise my child. My husband, he is legally my husband and I am legally his wife, provides the lion's share of our support. He gets free meals and time with his child. Sex isn't free and I really have to be in the mood but I don't deny him that pleasure. It's the rent. I am sure he could find a normal girl, but he gets in this mood when he 'wants' his wife. But I did not let my condition, my affliction, prevent me from fulfilling my manifest destiny of a new generation. Being a lesbian is a condition, it is not a lifestyle of choice. My girlfriend is a lesbian, she is 38 and her clock is loud and I hear it ticking. I'm serious when I tell her, don't surrender to this miscalculation. You be a mother, from your uterus, not mine. Be a mother and you will have a future.
I do realize, and so does she, that he can easily afford us both with children. We are lesbians, I didn't say we could support ourselves, not in the lifestyle we aspire to. It is very unfair to other lesbians. But he also benefits, we give him his future generations and trick this dead end affliction.
