Straight Female / 25
Lost My Virginity, To A Man Twice My Age
I can't stop thinking about this. I'm 25, he is 53. It never occurred to me that night when I went out that I would wake up in bed with this man, no longer a virgin, looking around a room I had never been there before.
I tried not answering his calls. But I decided to face him, to 'own' the loss of my virginity. I sat and listened to his lecture. What was I doing out like that, what was I thinking talking to a man I didn't know. Why did I follow him to his car, get in, follow him into his house. If I was his daughter he would not respect me. I don't know why, he had, has, a power over me.
I am going to a therapist. He insists I see a therapist. A woman. I am facing my 'problem'.
I meet with him once a week, after work, and we talk about a different subject. Sometimes I choose, sometimes he chooses. I like talking with him about his life, his childhood, college, I want to know everything about him. I don't like talking about myself because he catches me when I'm lying. I make up stories about my life. It isn't interesting, it is boring, I'm nobody, never was. Why else would a 25 year old still be a virgin?
I'm okay really, so I lost my virginity one night I went with a man. No one cut my throat, tried to kill me. I didn't need my virginity. I think about him, he is on my mind. Just imagine for yourself waking up naked, in bed with a man, and his first question is 'what is your name? I forgot'. He knows my name now.
I tried not answering his calls. But I decided to face him, to 'own' the loss of my virginity. I sat and listened to his lecture. What was I doing out like that, what was I thinking talking to a man I didn't know. Why did I follow him to his car, get in, follow him into his house. If I was his daughter he would not respect me. I don't know why, he had, has, a power over me.
I am going to a therapist. He insists I see a therapist. A woman. I am facing my 'problem'.
I meet with him once a week, after work, and we talk about a different subject. Sometimes I choose, sometimes he chooses. I like talking with him about his life, his childhood, college, I want to know everything about him. I don't like talking about myself because he catches me when I'm lying. I make up stories about my life. It isn't interesting, it is boring, I'm nobody, never was. Why else would a 25 year old still be a virgin?
I'm okay really, so I lost my virginity one night I went with a man. No one cut my throat, tried to kill me. I didn't need my virginity. I think about him, he is on my mind. Just imagine for yourself waking up naked, in bed with a man, and his first question is 'what is your name? I forgot'. He knows my name now.
