Too Embarrassed To Ask

I am 57 now, I'm married to my second, first one died young. I have done girl on girl for my first husband, other men for my second. I started sex when I was in my young teens. By 16 I'd let 8 teen boys and 1 grown man have sex with me. I did it in all three holes, before I got married the first time I'd had over 50 men, and 1 older woman. I don't say this to be a slut but to be honest and explain a little about my history. The problem is that I have a fetish that I am too embarrassed to ask anyone to do. It goes back to the older woman, she sometimes peed on me when I was going down on her. I would get a mouthful, and eventually just sitting in the tub and being peed on my body, especially by pussy, and my boobs and of course in my mouth. The problem is that I really liked it.

Even as a little girl I always found myself thinking sexually when I'd pee, even poop. I asked one guy who I was dating in college to do it, started by going into the toilet while he was peeing. I reached over and took it and aimed it for him. He got hard, stopped peeing and I got fucked. Afterward once I came in the toilet and knelt down pulling his cock over to my face. I got a little but he stopped. He freaked out and called me a freak for wanting to be pissed on, especially in my mouth. I swallowed his pee and with some still on my face I burst into tears and went running to get dressed. I masturbated at home with the smell still pungent on me.

I asked another guy between husbands but he associated that with spanking, and inflicting pain. I want to have wet sex again with someone, anyone, but I just can't bear to bring it up again. I'm too embarrassed of my individual kink to ask for it. Yet, I indulge my husbands and his other men he picks for me, and do anything they want.