What I Want To Do

My wife is isn't interested in sex any longer, and due to meds can't get it up. I find myself more and more wanting to get fucked and suck a cock. I had my first sex inside a male friends ass and that went on for a couple of years, he sucked a couple of times and never let me suck him. I tried to let him fuck me, and his cock popped in and it hurt so bad I had to pull off. After getting a girlfriend we tapered off, but in my early 20s I was on the road a lot and would find guys to suck me or let me fuck them. In one city I was there for a few months and actually stayed with one man for a while. He was very femme, even dressing at home in womens clothes and lingerie when we went to bed. I also tried to let him fuck me but it hurt too much. I have sucked some but always finished with my hand or used a condom.

I really want to know what it's like to be fucked and have a man shoot his sperm into my ass. I want to know what it is like to suck a mans cock to completion, to feel and taste his sperm as it erupts into my mouth. I wish I could do it safely somehow.