-
Lesbian Stories
-
Lesbian Female / 50
A Different Flower In The Garden
I'm a lesbian, I have been since my sexual awakening. I've always been in hiding, the only one who knows is my husband, and those girls and women I've 'acted out' with when my base instincts got the better of me.
My first physical experience was by a maid when I was a little girl. My first emotional attachment was in the 6th grade with a girl in my grade. My first 'love'. I had my first 'adult' physical and emotional expression was in college with a fellow student when I studied in Paris. My first woman to woman affair. It is then that I really understood I am a lesbian.
Returning to my world, after college, I realized that my family, friends, neighbors, would never accept a lesbian. One example to me was a distant cousin who was ejected not only from the family, the country. Her shame was such that she joined a religious order. I had to keep my secret.
A cousin I grew up with, male, returned from France after a three year specialization in plastic surgery. He and I grew up together and we were very close as children. He was amazed that I wasn't married. Why I opened up to him, told him, I don't know. I swore him to secrecy, I told him I was sharing with my doctor. He understood immediately, this was something that must never be said.
He was out of the social network, he had been gone for over twelve years, since he was seventeen. He came to me, marry him, I would be safe then. And he had someone to fill all the social roles of a wife and he would then be left alone by nurses and mothers trying to get their daughters married.
It was a celebrated wedding, at 24 the relief for my family was everything. For him, everyone understood his cousin was a much better match than some 'nurse' from a no name family. At 27 he told me, nicely, I had to get pregnant. For him, for me, for the extended family, I had to get pregnant. Only then did I really understand what my life was to become. I had four children, quit any attempts of being in my profession. I was behind high walls, protected, motherhood was my outlet for expressing my love.
My husband, from time to time, had outside lovers. But his deep down desire was for me, not some problem girl. I had to accept him as a husband and he took me as his wife.
I am fifty this year, I have renewed my friendship with my first true love from lower school. Her marriage failed, her husband abandoned her for a foreign woman. My heart, my love, opened for her. It's platonic, I've resigned myself to it. But my true love is with me.
My first physical experience was by a maid when I was a little girl. My first emotional attachment was in the 6th grade with a girl in my grade. My first 'love'. I had my first 'adult' physical and emotional expression was in college with a fellow student when I studied in Paris. My first woman to woman affair. It is then that I really understood I am a lesbian.
Returning to my world, after college, I realized that my family, friends, neighbors, would never accept a lesbian. One example to me was a distant cousin who was ejected not only from the family, the country. Her shame was such that she joined a religious order. I had to keep my secret.
A cousin I grew up with, male, returned from France after a three year specialization in plastic surgery. He and I grew up together and we were very close as children. He was amazed that I wasn't married. Why I opened up to him, told him, I don't know. I swore him to secrecy, I told him I was sharing with my doctor. He understood immediately, this was something that must never be said.
He was out of the social network, he had been gone for over twelve years, since he was seventeen. He came to me, marry him, I would be safe then. And he had someone to fill all the social roles of a wife and he would then be left alone by nurses and mothers trying to get their daughters married.
It was a celebrated wedding, at 24 the relief for my family was everything. For him, everyone understood his cousin was a much better match than some 'nurse' from a no name family. At 27 he told me, nicely, I had to get pregnant. For him, for me, for the extended family, I had to get pregnant. Only then did I really understand what my life was to become. I had four children, quit any attempts of being in my profession. I was behind high walls, protected, motherhood was my outlet for expressing my love.
My husband, from time to time, had outside lovers. But his deep down desire was for me, not some problem girl. I had to accept him as a husband and he took me as his wife.
I am fifty this year, I have renewed my friendship with my first true love from lower school. Her marriage failed, her husband abandoned her for a foreign woman. My heart, my love, opened for her. It's platonic, I've resigned myself to it. But my true love is with me.
