Christ Loves Us, He Loves Lesbians, I Know He Does

Going back to the beginning. From my earliest memories I was bossy, and obstinate. I was corrected, often. I was sent to ballet, I hated it. I was sent to art class. I hated it. I was sent to Cotillion. I hated it. I was sent to religion. I hated it. I was bought a nice dress and shoes, I hated them.

What I liked never came into the discussion.

I went to an all girl's school, the kind with Nuns. When I was sixteen I told my parents I wanted to enter a religious order. When I finished high school I went to a place in Florida where I was evaluated for a religious order. After six weeks I was told that I wasn't ready, emotionally to make that commitment. I should go to college, and after maturing a little more, come back and they would reconsider me. I was sent to a Catholic University.

One afternoon, I was at this other girl's apartment, we were talking about Christ and depiction of Christ in art, and she came over to me and laid her head on my lap and told me that she loved me. She asked if she surprised me. I said yes, really surprised. What did she mean she loved me? She was a girl. Yes she agreed, she was a girl, and a girl can love another girl, they are called lesbians. When you are in love with another girl. And she admitted she was a lesbian and she had been in love with me for a long time.

She got her phone out and pulled up a video of two girls kissing. See, lesbians. And she kissed me, not a good kiss because I moved my head away. But she got on me, held me down by sitting on me. Now let me kiss you and show you I love you. We are lesbians, when lesbians love each other they kiss. And with that she kissed me. And kissed me and kissed me, and got her hand under my shirt and kept on kissing me. We are lesbians she repeated. I love you she repeated. Please love me back she said. I was crying so I couldn't answer, just shake my head.

She spent a lot of time analyzing me, my desire to be solely around women by joining an order, never having dated a boy or a man, never having been kissed, only having female friends at college. The only man I ever talked about was Christ. She undressed herself, until she was in her birthday suit, and she undressed me and she showed me how much she loved me, including how much she loved me by kissing me between the legs until I had an orgasm.

See, she said, you are a lesbian. A LESBIAN. Christ loves lesbians, or he wouldn't have allowed religious orders for Nuns. Not to mention religious orders for men, who love men, who are homosexual.

I finished college and went on to work for a company recommended to me by faculty and I told myself that I wasn't a lesbian, I was particular, but I loved Christ and I wanted to join a Religious Order. I went back to Florida.

I confessed my lesbian relationship and that I did love her. They sent me away, this time for real, permanently and told me to love Christ and not be a lesbian. Christ did not approve of homosexuality,

During the days of haze and darkness I made the simple mistake of not pushing a man away and I became pregnant. I cried and begged her for forgiveness. God works in mysterious ways she told me, and He must have wanted you to bear a child, like Mary bore God's son Jesus.

But God does not approve of homosexuality and that includes lesbians. Christ does not approve either. Well then she said, why are so many Nuns lesbians and so may Priests gay? You know Father Nolan, he's gay. I have it on authority. It doesn't matter, we are lesbians and we, WE, are having a baby.

How do you know these things? Because I'm a lesbian, she said. And you are a lesbian. I've know you are a lesbian since you sat down beside me in class. And remember, you picked me out, you came to me, to sit beside me, you instinctively picked a lesbian for your best friend, and PARTNER.

Christ loves us. I know that. I have always known that. He sent me a partner to walk with me, to have my baby with. A lesbian partner.

I'm a lesbian. I know that. I've always known that. And we're having a baby.