Bad Decision, Now An Obsession

This story goes back 12 years. In todays high school world it is popular to be "trans or non binary". A few years back it was popular to be bisexual (I know from my niece). Well back 12 years ago in order to be popular or one of the cool girls you had to date or fuck black guys. In my parents house bringing home a black guy was not an option. But I wanted to be one of the cool girls. Didn't quite work out that way. I was 16 and dumb.
There was a stairwell in the back of the high school where all the really hard core black guys hung out, skipped class and smoked weed. Please don't take offense at my french here. These guys were "n*****s". Dressed the hip hop, thug part. One day I got up the nerve and went into the stairwell. I was immediately confronted by 2 boys. I was so nervous I decided to just walk by and head upstairs. One of them grabbed me by the arm and started feeling me up. He pulled me under the stairwell out of site and told the other boy to keep watch. He pushed me up against the wall and groped my tits as he kissed me. I tried to push him away be he wouldn't stop. He got the front of my jeans open and pushed me to the floor. I was on my hands and knees as he pulled my jeans down to expose my ass. As I felt his cock start pushing inside me I could tell it was much larger than the white boys I had been with. During this he kept yelling things back to the boy keeping watch. Things like how tight my white pussy was, how he was stretching my white pussy, how he was training this white bitch. I cried a little and felt ashamed. I was being used like a piece of meat. I began begging him not to cum inside me. He told me to "shut up bitch". When he came he yelled "this bitch is having a black baby". After he got up and walked off like nothing happened. I pulled up my jeans and spent the rest of the day with cum leaking out of me.
And yes, a few weeks later I missed my period. I wasn't one of the cool kids. My parents were less than happy I was pregnant, but went meltdown after i told them the baby was black. Went to a clinic and made it go away. We moved shortly after that.
Problem is no matter where we lived I kept fucking this exact type of guy over and over. Only difference was I was now on birth control. My relationship with my parents was crap. I left home after graduation.
I never married or even had a real long term boyfriend. Nice guys don't exactly like the fact I have this habit of fucking this type of men. But it meets my sexual needs.