But, I Wanted To

As a mom of 2 young boys ( 4 and 17 months), quiet time is rare. There was none yesterday and this morning I was lying awake, overthinking as usual. Chuck was behind me, snoring quietly with one hand on my boob and something was poking against my butt. I gently moved my butt until he was almost hard and told him “ stop that! Roll over”.
He didn’t even ask, he just rolled on his back, so I pulled his worn boxers down, laid my head on his belly and gently started rubbing him hard. I worked up a mouthful of saliva, licked my hand and started stroking. Yeah, he was wide awake now! I took him in my mouth and kept using my hand at the same time, drooling to keep it lubed. After a few minutes, he told me to roll over but I told him to shut up and enjoy! I got up on my hands and knees and was bobbing up and down, and playing with his “ friends”. I could hear his breathing and knew he was enjoying it. I felt his hand on the back of my head, playing with my hair. Not pushing at all, just there. Chuck started whispering that I should stop, he was close, but I just uh-huh’d and kept going. When his hand came off my head and pulled the pillow over his face, I knew. The part I hate. Ok, hate is a strong word but not strong enough. I loathe, fear and detest cum in my mouth, but I kept going, squeezing his balls as his started moving. Yeah, I felt it, that first little drip then the blasts. I tried using my tongue to block it from hitting the back of my throat, and almost gagged myself. As Chuck finished, I tried to lay there and let him revel in the moment. He asked if I was ok, and I swallowed that crap and told him yes. Then I told him do NOT thank me! I got up , went to the bathroom and brushed, gargled and drank a few cups of water. By the time I came out, he had the boys in the kitchen giving them cereal and berries.

Why? Yesterday was tough. I thought back to when we first dated in high school, before we broke up so I could go to college. When I came back to visit, we got back together and I stayed. Now, I’m a mom! Working part time from home, trying to raise the boys.
I thought back when the girls were a little smaller and still pointed north. When I had a hard belly, not something with as many rolls as an Olive Garden basket. When my tight little butt didn’t look like someone tried to ice a warm cake.

But still, every day, that big dummy comes home as kisses me hello, usually grabbing my boob or my butt. I can’t bend over without him dry humping me or swatting my butt! Every day, he’s making some sexual advances or comment.
Last night, he saw I was stressed, and he took care of the dinner and gave the boys a bath before he put them to bed. He came and sat next to me on the couch and I realized he doesn’t see the sweat pants, oversized Tshirt and messy ponytail. I think he still sees the “ hair, nails and makeup “ girl he dated.
I was ready to cry, and told him I needed to go to bed. I saw the twinkle in his eye and told him, not tonight. His face told the tale of dejection, but he said it was ok. So, I took the Scunci from around my wrist and told him I’d take care of his problem, and he said that I needed some time to myself, gave me a kiss and turned down the TV. I think he came to bed around 2 when the little guy needed water.
I woke this morning realizing how good I actually have it. Perfect life? Nope.
But, I have the things I need and wanted.