I Can No Longer Hide My True Self From My Husband.

I've decided to formally come out to my husband. We have been married thirty years, have three college age children, upper middle class (him not me, I haven't worked outside the home for twenty five years). I was a lesbian the day I got married, kissed my 'true love' and maid of honor and walked out to take my father's arm to be 'given away'.

I followed the rules, had three kids, built a home, have been a loyal life. Buy empty nesting has been hard on me, and I can't in good conscience go behind my husband's back. I have very much substituted my husband for my father.

I am still after all these years deeply in love with my 'true love' from my college days. She chose to not follow in my footsteps. Her life has been hard, two relationships that ended badly, she has had to declare bankruptcy. It has been the deepest heartache standing by and not bringing her into my day to day life. My husband will not be surprised that I love her.

Let me add my children. Two daughters and a son. They will not be kind to me. Their father is everything, and a lifetime of being more daughter than wife beside them, breaking his life will not be forgiven. I have reached the end of my tether.