Confusing Memories

I have been mostly straight at least in all serious adult relationships but there are some weird chapters all over the place that ended up confusing me a lot for some time. Will try to do a recap.
After having a serious crush with my wife’s flirt and basically wanting my wife to actually have something with him as well as me, to the point that I seriously lusted his dick, he was even brave enough to tell me he wanted her and had very long hardons after seen her (some times in private, small touching but no sex), we suspect he uses blue pill because he can have a visible hard even for a couple of hours, and just remembering right now makes my heart jump and my dick lust for hin even when it’s been a few years since we saw him…
He was very found of going to see table dance girls, and talked too much on things he did to girls (even to my wife) so that I had the opportunity to hear him, see his dick go hard, he is BIG, and masturbate a couple of times, I still cum every once in a while remembering that, and would still fuck with him if had the chance. Not sure why I didn’t.
Eventually I fantasized on getting crossdressed for him… which takes me to an earlier stage that started rather young and went to adulthood of me crossdressing, even going out a few times, but never had sexual interaction just fantasized… so that is something weird, straight but very interested in gay sex mostly all my life…
I started wondering why I like some men, love anal, and my wife gives me amazing satisfaction both with her fingers and dildos, she knows and gives me frequently…
So I started remembering what kind of events I had early in my life that would make me like gay sex even when I don’t have it as an adult, and I do remember very clearly a few gay interactions, one with a neighbor when we were very young, lots of kissing, nakedness and some penetration mostly with fingers because we were not fully able to have proper sex… and before that I do remember 3 other times where l clearly remember seeing fully erect male members from an older friend, from a big adult guy that took me and a friend to see porn and from an uncle. I do remember very well their dicks, and they were huge to me at that age, but I don’t have more memory of what happened after, I’m not sure if I had sex or not, just remember that at that age I started to like dressing with my mother’s lingerie and clothes and also started to have a lot of anal masturbation.
It is weird because for instance I clearly remember the conversation my uncle had with me, he even invited me to leave the room when he was going to change clothes but I refused and he went fully naked in front of me with what I recall a quite big hardon, it was impressive and I still remember it very well, but no further memory, don’t even remember him putting his clothes back.
And the other event with me and my friend going to see porn with the big guy is similar but one thing I remember is my friend (was a little older than me) sucking the guy, I remember his persuasion and getting us both very horny with porn to then convince my friend on giving him head, that was the first time I saw oral sex, but don’t know what happened after. Don’t remember the guy cumming but I do remember very clearly how his dick was and my friend on his knees sucking and him being very horny just as me… honestly I would prefer to remember that I had more action just as I remember with my other friend but all is erased. The only gay interaction I remember is that, and it was very nice and romantic, somewhat cute for us being so young, I’m sure we would had some amazing sex if we would not stop seeing because my parents had to move to a different city a couple years later. And that’s it for now, there are some hints on why I love to fantasize with gay sex, but not enough to justify how horny I get about it, LOL