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Women Only
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Straight Female / 27
I Feel So Grown Up Now My College Days So In The Past Now
I'm one of those graduates (UW-Seattle) who went in as a freshman and came out as a lesbian. My job skills were clerical, my degree choice watered down to what I liked, no rigor or hard work, no applicable real world application. I ran away with my college girlfriend to San Francisco, ended up in Oakland in a third world housing with another lesbian couple. I lied to my parents, brother and sisters, what a great life I had, forgot to tell them I had a minimum wage job in housekeeping at a motel with another lesbian girl.
One day I broke down, anxiety, poverty, broke up with my girlfriend. I cried to my older sister, she bought me a one way ticket back 'to the world'. I got home faking it, didn't come out, went to work with my mother in our family business. She found out I couldn't do anything, I found out I couldn't do anything. Despair, shame, it all came together. I told my mother what had really happened, about my lesbian world.
Like most parents I was put in therapy, I didn't work. At a birthday party for my grandmother I went outside and met a distant cousin, who took me 'around back' where he had sex with me. One and done and I was pregnant. He 'took financial responsibility' on the condition I stayed in therapy, or he would take my baby. I sobered up real quickly, even I was amazed at how quickly. My baby, MY baby. He offered to support me in a fashion to ensure his baby was taken care of.
"Whoever has the gold makes the rules" applied to my father, and my baby's father was no different. My daughter will be four in March, we live with her father, the one who pays the bills and keeps us in comfort. He wants another baby, so guess what 'we've been doing'? I gave up pretending I'm a lesbian, I'm pretty much attached to him. He's a lot like my father, overbearing and everything. It's been easy to adapt to him. I live under his roof so guess what the 'rules' are?
My extended family, siblings and families, parents and grandparent, cousins for my daughter, make it all bearable. My 'old' college girlfriend left Oakland during Covid and got married last year, expecting for June. I'm really happy for her, her husband's a boring engineer and they are buying a home for their new baby. We've made up. I do love her in the ways one girl loves another, but we are not lesbians.
If things work out right I'll squeeze out a baby before Sept 1, have to think about school and school deadlines.
One day I broke down, anxiety, poverty, broke up with my girlfriend. I cried to my older sister, she bought me a one way ticket back 'to the world'. I got home faking it, didn't come out, went to work with my mother in our family business. She found out I couldn't do anything, I found out I couldn't do anything. Despair, shame, it all came together. I told my mother what had really happened, about my lesbian world.
Like most parents I was put in therapy, I didn't work. At a birthday party for my grandmother I went outside and met a distant cousin, who took me 'around back' where he had sex with me. One and done and I was pregnant. He 'took financial responsibility' on the condition I stayed in therapy, or he would take my baby. I sobered up real quickly, even I was amazed at how quickly. My baby, MY baby. He offered to support me in a fashion to ensure his baby was taken care of.
"Whoever has the gold makes the rules" applied to my father, and my baby's father was no different. My daughter will be four in March, we live with her father, the one who pays the bills and keeps us in comfort. He wants another baby, so guess what 'we've been doing'? I gave up pretending I'm a lesbian, I'm pretty much attached to him. He's a lot like my father, overbearing and everything. It's been easy to adapt to him. I live under his roof so guess what the 'rules' are?
My extended family, siblings and families, parents and grandparent, cousins for my daughter, make it all bearable. My 'old' college girlfriend left Oakland during Covid and got married last year, expecting for June. I'm really happy for her, her husband's a boring engineer and they are buying a home for their new baby. We've made up. I do love her in the ways one girl loves another, but we are not lesbians.
If things work out right I'll squeeze out a baby before Sept 1, have to think about school and school deadlines.
