could someone please tell me what S&M stands for???? sorry for asking i'm just curious!
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by Anonymous on Dec 29, 2003 at 6:37 AM
Sadism and Masochism.
Giving and receiving pain.
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by Anonymous on Dec 29, 2003 at 6:56 AM
S&M stands for Sadism and Masochism. Sadism is the sexual enjoyment of causing others pain. Masochism is the sexual enjoyment of having pain inflicted upon oneself. (I am a masochist.)
A sadist will partner with a masochist for sexual play involving pain --typically spanking, whipping, paddling, squeezing, pinching, and in some rare cases, cutting.
Sometimes, people who enjoy these activities will add bondage and/or domination to their sex play. Bondage involves gagging, handcuffing, shackling, corseting, tying with ropes or chains, and using various collars and harnesses to restraint the other partner. Domination involves one partner (the dom or dominatrix) forcing the other (the sub) to perform certain sexual acts, usually with some elements of both nonconsentuality and humiliation. (For example, a dom might have a sub wear a chastity belt with a remote-controlled vibrating bullet in the crotch. They will go out to a very nice restaurant with a group of friends and the dom will wait until the sub speaks to turn on the vibrator. The sub will be tormented with the vibrator throughout dinner. If she behaves well, the dom will reward her with an orgasm.) When bondage and domination are added, the acronym becomes BDSM.
Now, before you get freaked, understand that the vast majority of people who are into this only want willing partners. They will use personal ads or join special clubs to find someone who wants S&M sex. Just like "regular" (or in S&M parlance, vanilla) sexual relationships, S&M sexual relationships range from anonymous one time encounters to long term liasons to marriages. However, the importance of monogamy tends to be less than with vanilla couples. A dom may have several subs. Likewise, a sub might "cheat" in order to seek punishment.
Another difference is that sometimes sadists or masochists will be married to a vanilla person who does not want to engage in S&M sex to a degree that satisfies the other person. An understanding spouse will accept the S&M spouse taking a sub or becoming a dom to someone else.
Moreover, people who engage in S&M sex usually use a "safeword" to make sure that no one is being harmed (harm is different from hurt. The safeword is a word that someone would not normally use in sexual situations (ex. zucchini or Volkswagon are good safewords). When the masochist or sub is being harmed, they will say the safeword and the sadist or dom is honorbound to stop the activity. If the sadist or dom does not stop, not only will they lose that partner, but word will spread that they don't respect safewords and no one will want to play with him or her. There are "true sadists" who will not respect safewords because they don't want to give masochists pleasure, the only want to do harm (think American Psycho"). True sadists usually get banned from sex clubs pretty quickly.
Contrary to popular opinion, wearing leather or latex and having multiple tattoos and piercings is not required for S&M sexual activity. Most people who engage in S&M sex live basically normal lives outside the bedroom (or dungeon). A friend of mine who lived in a small town was the lesbian sub of the president of the elementary school PTA. I once saw my sons' pediatrician buying fur-lined manacles at our local sex toy store. Three weeks ago, the secretaries in my office threw a leather and lace party that featured a caged male sub who gladly sucked our toes.
If you are interested in learning more, surf the Internet or visit your local bookstore. Kushiel's Dart is a recent fantasy novel that delves into the life of a young woman who is a masochist. It explains the allure of pain better than I can.
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by Anonymous on Dec 29, 2003 at 12:11 PM
thank you!!
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