- My Spouse -

Straight Male / 45

Sex Is Sooooo Boring...

My wife is nice looking and tries to stay in shape. But she is so bad in bed that I have better sex getting off by myself.

She very easy on the eyes, has a natural 34DD rack and gets plenty of attention at the gym and when she's out. When it comes to sex she either doesn't know what to do or doesn't care.

I've talked to her, been very open about what I like, bought her books, even suggested a sex therapist, she just never gets any better and it seems like she puts in half ass effort.

I've tried to make sure our relationship is good, do things for her all the time. She doesn't work, spends a lot of time at the gym and lunching with friends. Has a fairly new nice sedan, paid off big house, I have a great 6 figure job, give her about anything she wants. Gets her hair and nails done every other week. I try to stay in shape. Most of my female friends say "whats her problem, she's got it great!!!"

We go out to eat at the best places in town regularly, take nice vacations to HI and FL.

Leaving isn't an option, I dont want to hurt my family. I dont know if she's screwing around or just doesn't care enough about me to put any effort into it. We just got done not doing anything for 6 months. There's no excuse for it to be that long.

Anyone else m or f have issues like this? You just want some good hot sex from your spouse and you never get it???

Thanks for reading.

That's Juicy! 25
Remove It! 3

# 69593 - by RegularProfGuy / January 13, 2024

Comments

by Seagull57 on Jan 13, 2024 at 9:46 AM

I hate to say it, but, she may well be cheating on you! Good looking milfs at the gym get lots of attention! She may have found some young Adonis to spend time with. You should probably find out! Hopefully, I'm wrong. Best of luck!

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by Anonymous on Jan 13, 2024 at 10:18 AM

I know you do t wanna hear this but,,, you're the enabler in this. You give her everything she wants while she gives you nothing in return. I'm not saying it's all you but it kinda is...
This is from experience btw. We didn't divorce, I was about ready though.

You don't need a sex therapist, you need a marriage counselor. In my case, I kicked her out of the bedroom and told her if we were just gonna be roommates, that's how it had to be. She agreed to the counseling and it was eye opening. Our communications skills sucked beyond suck. I was enabling and she was just comfortable. Lots of heartache, lots of tears and yes, even a 2 month separation that hurt everyone but 10 years later we're still going.
I don't think she's cheating but do think she may have at one point. I did, she did. Marriage is hard. Admitting to both your mistakes is even harder. If there's still true feelings for one another, you can make it through if you're willing.

I wish you the best

(12) (0)

by Anonymous on Jan 13, 2024 at 10:49 AM

My wife is asexual meaning she doesn’t care or need sex.
I need help?

(1) (0)

by Anonymous on Jan 13, 2024 at 12:17 PM

Youve got a major challenge here. When one partner stops the sex, for whatever reason, the other partner is extremely likely to seek it elsewhere.

And that's exactly what I believe you should do. Apart from the new intimacy, you'll figure out wether this marriage is worth the effort.

Your marriage will collapse eventually, I guarantee it. Youre better off doing something constructive now, than it collapsing around you and you be in an emotional wreck later on down the line.

And, yes, Ive seen this before.

(6) (0)

by Anonymous on Jan 13, 2024 at 5:21 PM

Stop simping. She doesnt have a reason to want to please you because it doesnt have and bearing on her quality of life. Seriously, sex has value as currency in relationships. I know that sounds bad but its really not in a healthy relationship. Im sorry but I do not think that a situation that you are describing is reversible. Take note and do better on your next go round. Good luck.

(3) (8)

by Anonymous on Jan 13, 2024 at 7:23 PM

I’m married to my wife 35 years, very beautiful wife for many years, until we got married, very good in the bedroom, but wow who knew the ring would kill her drive, ok you and I both know it’s the oldest story in the book, yup took fir the ride, I’ve head every excuse every invented, she’s great wife except sex, after so many years I just gave up, turned to men with needs to fir my sex, for most of the last 5 years I have a buddy I enjoy, live a str8 life and don’t consider myself gay, but do love gay sex

(4) (4)

by Anonymous on Jan 13, 2024 at 10:37 PM

Funny, most stories posted here get 1, maybe 2 responses. I think this is #7. Clearly touched a nerve.

Same thing, married a smoking hot, blonde woman raised in the church and taught to say "NO" entire life. Never was told you can say "YES" after marriage.

She had so many excuses for "Not Tonight" I literally made a spreadsheet of all her excuses. It was called "The Too Excuses". To preserve my sanity, I turned it into a board game I'd play with myself to make predictions on what excuse she would use tonight.

The excuses were endless: Its too early. Its too late. Its to hot. Its too cold. I'm too hungry. I'm too full. I'm too sleepy. I'm too awake. Its too... Blah. Blah. Blah.

She had me on the "Once every three years whether you needed it or not" program.

This wasn't a matter of I wanted 4 times a week and she wanted it 2 times a week. My wife had less than ZERO sex drive and could care less how much she hurt me. Didn't bother her a bit how much she was destroying me. Nuked any spec of self- esteem I had. If she never had sex again, she was 100% comfortable with that.

I hung in there absorbing all the guilt, thinking it somehow must be my fault. I stayed with her believing she would change. She didn't.

I am embarrassed to say this but I was married 25 years and do not need all my fingers and toes to count the number of times we did "IT".

I fell into a deep depression and contemplated suicide.

I got an opportunity to work on a project out of state - couldn't get there fast enough. It wasn't until I met a woman at work that my life changed. She is the one who kept me from putting a gun in my mouth.

She was single. We started as friends - she knew I was married. It eventually blossomed into a romance. By far, the best, healthiest, successful relationship I've ever had - on all levels, not just sex.

My wife found out about her - like I cared. She thought she could use "The Affair" as a bargaining chip to negotiate for more of whatever she wanted. What she failed to realize is she had burned through all of her currency years ago. At that point, I wouldn't have screwed if she begged me.

After divorce proceedings started, she asked how I was able to keep the affair a secret for so long (10 years). I answered with two reasons. "First because I was living out of state and second, because I quit caring if you found out".

Every relationship, regardless of how bad or good it is, have their own little nuisances. Unless you are getting advise from a very close, person friend, ignore all advise given here and chart your own course. You know whats best for you - even if she doesn't.

I was a believer in staying married forever which is why I stuck with a sinking ship for so long. All I can say is I did everything to avoid divorce but once it stated, I couldn't get out of the marriage fast enough.

Do what you must do but don't was another valuable day of your life thinking she's going to change.

She isn't.

I can tell you from post-marriage dating, there are many wonderful women in a similar situation as you looking for a companion, friendship and a partnership in a long term relationship and probably marriage. Don't let a failed "Practice Marriage" ruin your life forever.

Forgive yourself.

Learn from your mistakes.

Go find that someone special. (She's probably at Kroger right now - RUN!)

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by Anonymous on Jan 14, 2024 at 1:10 AM

All of this, my story too. Or it used to be. I got sex everywhere but home. Then I fell in love with a woman who left me after I left my wife. But my ex wife and me kept touch. She found her sexuality back with lots of boyfriends, I found a freak to endulge all my fantasies again. Now the ex and I start having sex a little. Not much has changed but we are willing to build up a new hugely seperated life. Love Koen

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by Anonymous on Jan 14, 2024 at 1:14 AM

Bin the bitch. She's obviously sponging off of you and probably cheating. Treating you like a gimp doormat. Time to start thinking about the stranger you married being an ex.

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by Anonymous on Jan 14, 2024 at 2:27 AM

Why not talk to her in a very blunt manner?
If she is cheating on you,dump her.In case that's the truth,one day she will gather courage,strip you financially naked and walk out.
Your family will know that anyway.Your family will feel proud of you if you talk to her in a mature way and calmly get out of this boring bandage.She doesn't deserve your love and you don't deserve a log of wood.
There is nothing humiliating in getting rid of either a cold wife or a cheating slut.
Be a man.

(2) (1)

by Anonymous on Jan 14, 2024 at 6:38 AM

I'm in the exact same position. Good looking wife, I've given her anything she wants, and I get nothing back.

by Anonymous on Jan 14, 2024 at 7:01 AM

So. As a female here. I think instead of focusing on YOUR needs, you need to start focusing on HERS. My husband and I got in this similar situation. It started after I got pregnant with our first. It wasn't that I was bad in bed, it was that I had less drive while pregnant and started having sex out of a sense of obligation. I felt quilted into it and started putting in zero effort. He checked out completely of trying to get me to cum. I felt like I was basically being used as a masturbatory device. Then aa time went on, I started with the excuses. "Oh I'm too tired", "maybe tomorrow", "the kids are awake", etc...and he would lay on massive guilt trips which made it all worse.

We still had sex here and there, but like once a month.

Then about 3 years ago it all came to a head. We had several very emotional conversations about how we both felt. He felt that I should have sex with him even if I wasn't in the mood because it's an essential part of a marriage. I felt that it was my body and I didn't "owe him" anything. It was tough. But ultimately he gave me space and stopped asking and pressuring. For 6 months we only had sex when it was my idea. And it still wasn't often. But I was always in the mood and we both put effort into pleasing each other every single time.

Then slowly, things shifted. We started doing it more and more. Being more creative, finding new ways to enjoy each other.

I can confidently say, we now have the best sex life we have ever had in our 16 years together. And I'm 100% certain he would say the same. It's frequent, and the quality is totally on point.

Anyway, from the woman's side.

(20) (2)

by Anonymous on Jan 14, 2024 at 10:57 AM

OP here. Yes this seems to be something many people think about, thanks for all the comments.

A little more back story... We have a disabled son so that complicates the leaving option. He's a handful for both of us to take care of, for one of us by ourselves, nearly impossible, so leaving really isn't an option.

Is she cheating? Physically I dont think so, she seems to be a horrible liar and has told me many times if she ever wanted to fuck another man she'd divorce me first, I believe that. I am convinced however she's had multiple emotional affairs. One was part of a group that used to go bike riding and I would see him many times close to her, chatting her up and when he would see me he would immediately vanish. You can tell when someone is smitten with someone and he definitely had the look. She's admitted several men who have had the hots for her in our circle of friends. I could already tell, it wasnt that challenging, and she finally admiited she knew too.

Another was a guy who used to work with her. He would call on his way home from work and she would disappear into the bedroom to talk to him. I asked her why she went in there and she said she didnt want to disturb me. It was usually during dinner and we would be watching tv. I asked why he never calls from home (where his wife is) and I would get some lame answer. She claimed no younger guy would be interested in her and he was just wanting her advice about stuff.

That a young guy isnt interested in older MILFs is total bullshit, everyone knows that, and she knows that from the gym and guys hitting on her. So is she having affairs? Idk on physical, but yes on emotional.

Sex, yes I used to bug her for it but stopped when I realized it wasnt helping. She claims to initiate it but thats only so she can tell her family or if things ever got to a divorce that I couldnt claim lack of sex.

It might be that she is so chronically bad at it that I wont want it.

She comes from a very religious background and schooling, basically taught that sex is bad. Her parents never talked to her about it, she picked everything up from friends. She claims I'm the only guy shes fucked.

She's a good person and everyone loves her, her friends and family think she can do no wrong. So if I were ever to find some way to leave I would be the bad guy and probably my kids would disown me.

I would never encourage her to sex another person but I wonder if she would be a freak in bed or just as bad with someone else.

And if you are wondering, yes Ive had a couple of FWBs when it was months without sex and they have always said I satisfied them in every way and no complaints about any size or performance issues or how long I can go.

It all comes down to she's awful in bed. With me anyway. But how do you tell your spouse that they are horrible at sex without hurting their feelings and making them paranoid so you get even less sex? I would never encourage it, but If she fucked someone else I would understand if I really was her only one. Ive been with several others so its only fair. Ive hinted if she wanted to, I wouldnt be opposed but I'm not going to encourage it, it would have to be her idea.

We're at the point now where she has her toys she plays with and I have my ways of getting off. Sad but true and it's probably my future. Maybe shes addicted to her toys and they get her off better than I can. As good as men can be in bed, our parts cant vibrate, lol.

I know those who have already replied probably can't again. Just wanted to follow up my post and provide a few answers.

And yes I know this isn't the best place for advice, I just wondered if anyone else, m or f, were dealing with the same issues.

(6) (1)

by Anonymous on Jan 14, 2024 at 11:45 PM

I’m in a similar position, we’re both 58 and the sex ended about 3 years ago. My wife never was much interested in sex anyway but now it’s all gone.
We have talked about it up to a point, and frankly I’m kinda ok with it. I love my wife very much but sexually there just isn’t any spark anymore.
As a first alternative I have really spiked and spiced up my masturbation game. I always loved masturbating but in the last few years I have become really, really good at it.
For this year I have made a resolution to find a masturbation buddy. I am not gay, and women porn turns me on, but I could never cheat my wife with another woman. So that’s a no go.
So I sort of opened my mind to the idea of sharing arousal and sexual experiences with a guy. Since I’m not in those circles I don’t really know yet how to go about, but I’ll figure it out somehow.
Either way, I understand your frustration and hope it works out for you. Good luck!

by Anonymous on Jan 15, 2024 at 4:58 AM

I’m a gym rat and half the women girls I date are either married or about to get married. I found that if I talk to them and listen to how bored or lonely they are I can usually get them to go out. Then shortly after that it’s a romp at my place in the car. Almost all stop having sex with there spouses. It’s almost as if they feel that they have to save there pussys for the other man. It’s weird but true

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by Anonymous on Jan 18, 2024 at 5:55 AM

Say what you will if she has had a handful of emotional affairs you damn well know that she has probably done something with them at one point. Maybe not fucking but something. If a guy is really pursuing her and she is sneaking to take calls. I can guarantee you she has messed around gave head or flat out fucked at least once. Guys just don’t give up when a women gives a little opportunity. I know I have chased plenty of married women. Sometimes it takes a while but if I was patient I would eventually break them down and then dick then down. Sometimes I would date them for a while and sometimes it was a once and done because she was hotter then her performance or she got to clingy. You should go through her phone or emails if you ever get a chance

(0) (0)

by Anonymous on Feb 9, 2024 at 5:24 PM

OP here. Ive gone through her phone and looked at the call log and havent found much. But she could be using Signal or some such app.

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