A Lesson Hard Earned, Talked When I Should Have Listened

I retired recently, well I 'was' retired with a package that should keep me, baring stopping the idiocy of these 'new' alternate monetary policy idiots currently with their hands on the till. I took the package. The new owners? Wall Street raiders intent on breaking up the company we took so long to build. We made money, didn't take commissions for selling off what other people build. Yes, I'm pissed, I learned the hard way what it means, not to have the balls to stand firm and fight.

Early in my career, a position opened and I applied. I was beat out by a male, not smarter than me. I complained, claimed discrimination, and ended up across the desk of the CEO. No offense, he told me, but you don't have the balls for that job.

I rose through the organization through 'girl' type jobs. Director of nothing important, support manager to men with balls, counselor and advisor, but never calling the shots, my MBA and financial credentials, and the fact that I was a woman, and my twenty plus years sent me up the Finance ladder. Until one day, lo and behold, I got the job I coveted, CFO.

After my confirmation by the board, I had lunch with my old nemesis, retired and Chairman Emeritus. I voted against you, he told me, you don't have the balls. The enemy is at the gates waiting for a mistake like this. You cannot appease them, you have to stand and fight. Go down with the ship, he told me, never give up. What a rotten old man I told myself.

When the fight came, 'we' negotiated, trying to appease. Buy one more day, we told ourselves, until they go away. We gave here and there, one more cut. Until and 'end run', they had a major stake holder bought and tied up. We lost. Defeated. Surrendered unconditionally. We gave up. We did not stand and fight. The coalition of four women board members, and two women at the top. Not one set of balls between us. We got what was coming to us. We got 'fucked'.

I'm no saint, I opened my legs when I was young, I sucked cock on my way up. I disobeyed my mentor when I should have listened. That old man I sucked to the top, he was right then, he is right now, I don't have the balls. I retire with a package, and the safety net he built for me. So many of those I was entrusted to protect get fired with penny severances looking for a job.

I'm too old to get married, so I'll do what I've done for thirty years, be his secret lady friend and kiss his feet. This man, this man, he has balls.