No Satisfaction

For years now, actually probably two decades, I have been obsessed with anal play. I like to use toys or other things in my own ass. I have never told anyone. I am married to my second wife and neither of them know. Its not really a big problem itself, but lately I cannot be satisfied.

The things I'm using to fuck myself are getting crazier all the time. They are getting bigger, like a lot bigger. A few weeks ago I stuck a 16oz soda bottle up there. I completely stretched it further than ever before. It actually felt really good, no pain, so no issue.

The very next day, not even a full 24 hours, I used a 20oz bottle. It took some time, lots of lube, and lots of pain, but I got it. Not only that, but I really fucked my self with it. Pushing in and out as fast as I could. That caused some tearing and I bled.

That got me scared so I told myself never again. It took a couple weeks, but the pain went away. As the pain went away, the need to fuck my ass came back. The thought of that bottle made me so horny, I needed to do it again.

I did. And while I'm doing this, I cannot stop trying to think of the next item. I am becoming obsessed with this and I'm afraid it will lead to some permanent damage at some point.

Today, I attempted to use a metal baseball bat that is quite a bit wider than a bottle. I failed, but I got so close. It started to hurt so I stopped. I guarantee I will try it again. Probably as soon as my wife goes to work. I will eventually get it, I know that. But whats next?