I Have The Desire But I Am Scared To Get Out There

Back in the 80s I was sent to San Francisco for training. We were all housed in hotel where the training sessions were held. At night the first night I decided to go out and see for myself. I found this newspaper in a newspaper box on the corner and to my surprise there were ads for strip joints, and for gay encounters. I took it back to the hotel with me and I tried one of the numbers and the other party told me that it was 35 for a blowjob. I couldn't have the guy come to the hotel so he suggested this parking lot behind another hotel.

I thought that I was going to give the blowjob. But I had it wrong, it was a skinny guy in his twenties and he went to work immediately after I paid him and went back to my room having gotten a blowjob, but not satisfied my desire to give a blowjob.

Slowly I slipped into the gay dark scene. Back in Baltimore I found out that there were gay bars and places. I went there, imitated the dress code, sucked off men in the parking lot. I didn't care about the money, I wanted to suck cock. And sucking off some older white guy did it for me.

The scourge of AIDS hit. Everyone was scared, so was I. Everything stopped. Famous names had AIDS, people I knew were dying. There was no cure, it was a death sentence. I quit the gay scene and settled down into mainstream America. I got married to a woman I met at work, we had a family, paid off the house after a lifetime of working.

Now I'm a widower. My wife was taken by pancreatic cancer. I'm in my sixties and I need to explore what I turned my back on in the 80s. I want to hook up, have sex, enjoy cock the way I remember. But I'm scared, scared stiff to try.