Did My Father's Leaving Us Drive Me To Having Sex With Other Men

As a teenager I was withdrawn and a loner. My parents were having difficulties, which eventually led to a divorce and my father went away with another woman. My mother worked at a department store and she had the afternoon shifts so she got off at nine and was home around nine thirty. Afternoons after school were long and I was alone and I jerked off almost every afternoon after school.

My mother said she didn't understand why I did it. I jerked off and left my used underwear on the floor of the bathroom. I liked to jerk off more than once in the same underwear. My mother picked them up so me jerking off wasn't news to her. One day she told me I needed to get a girl, but be careful and she gave me a box of condoms. She went so far as to show me how to use them, but putting a condom on a dildo. My mother was pretty open about her using the dildo after my father left, she missed having my father inside of her.

I took the dildo one afternoon and using some cream from her dresser got the dildo up my ass and it felt good. After that I masturbated on my stomach with the dildo in my ass, I had to keep one hand on it so it wouldn't slip out, it felt good. I always washed the dildo after I used it and returned it to my mother's night table. I started to ask myself what it would be like to get fucked for real.

In our town there was a downtown that was dying. There was a small mall there and I rode my bike there. I went in to walk around, I didn't have any money to buy anything. I went a couple of more times. I was there one afternoon and this man that sold shoes at Penney's sat down beside me and started talking to me. I ended up being fucked that afternoon in one of the utility rooms. I loved it. I went home and jerked off several times that afternoon before my mother got home.

The shoe salesman told me to meet him at this address on the days he had off. I went there on my bike and hid my bike behind the building. He had sex with me and we got naked. I grabbed his cock and sucked him, he kissed me before fucking me. Always I got down on my stomach and he fucked me on top of my back. I liked being naked against him, and he liked to hold me naked and rub his cock against mine and up and down my thigh before turning me onto my stomach to fuck me.

As long as I lived with my mother I jerked off and used her dildo. I met up with the shoe salesman until he quit Penney's and I went through a period of depression. As I got older and got around more I met other men for sex, including my band teacher. After high school I went into the Army. After the army, where I had learned how to maintain and repair radios, I went to work for an electronics store. All along I had sex with men, some with the same man for a long time and other times with men on one night stands. I had a good eye for detecting men who wanted to have sex. I never had a close relationship with a man. My mother continued to be the one person I was close to. After I moved out we never talked about it, my mother didn't bring up a girl. She knew I was seeing men but never voiced her opinion.