The Nerve Is There, Can't Suppress It

My older sister worked as a secretary for a multinational. Unknown to anyone she was in an affair with a married executive. He took her to a friend's river house. They died of carbon monoxide poisoning. She was pregnant. I was 13 at the time.

My mother wasn't able to get over it, she swore up and down the lover intentionally took her there and it was a m****r suicide. A theory she still holds all these years. For me, I went into lockdown.

Prohibited from dating, falling in love, leaving her side. The rest of my growing up years were miserable, punished for my sister's behavior. I wasn't out in the world until after college and the man I fell in love with, married executive. The love affair was hot, dangerous, open sex. Open in that another girl was invited. He liked bring loved on by two women at a time.

It seemed that all those years of bring housebound, boomeranged. What my mother hated, was my destiny too. An older successful man, isn't that what we are supposed to look for? So what if he's married, I'm not jealous of her. Love child? Why not?

I never accepted a long weekend at the beach, much less the hunting cabin. I had my love child and she's perfect. He's a good father, he told his wife about his love child, begged forgiveness. My mother? Well she's 'not happy' with my decisions, but she does have her grandchild.