My Secret Side Never Comes Out

When young, mid teens, my first sex was in another boys butt. He was my age and he was willing. In fact he liked it. I don't know if it is because my first actual sex was anal or not, but I still love anal sex. I've fucked any long term girl in my life in her ass, I also fucked a few other guys in theirs. Anal is my favorite. I LOVE eating pussy, and really like fucking pussy, but fucking a girl or guys ass is the best. I have sucked about 3 cocks but only to completion with one and that was wearing a condom. So I've never actually taken a load in my mouth. Personally I don't like the smell of my own cum and have tasted it but don't like it. I'm not sure about another guys cum, especially after sucking him fully.

Through the years though I've really started focusing on the things I haven't done. I really want to suck a man, or really several men off and have them shoot in my mouth and swallow it. I want to be used by men for their pleasure. I also want to be fucked, to completion and never have. I've let two guys try it, the one I fucked for my first time (his too) but it was too thick and it hurt like hell, he pulled out. I did offer to suck him off but he didn't want that, so he rolled over and I got off in his ass while he jacked off. There was another man in my late 20s and he got about 4 inches of his 9 into me but I just couldn't take it. He was jacking off with that 4 inches in me, I thought maybe I'd get an "almost" fucked from him with him cumming inside me but he pulled out and shot on my chest, concentrating on my nipples.

I want to be fucked and cum in. I like the feel of a cock in my mouth, the soft, yet hard feeling, the silkiness of the skin in my mouth. I want to feel a man shooting inside my ass and in my mouth. I'm just too chicken. I'm married, have kids and grandkids, not sure how to go about it anyway. Now after a long spell of women only, and my wife only now, I think about the things I really want and realize that I've always wanted to be the one getting fucked, and sucking, not the other way around.

I'm going to have my wife stick a vibe we have up my ass and fuck her now. But I'll be thinking of what it must feel like to have a real cock up my ass.