Can't Get What I Want After Divorce

My husband, who was my first and only sex partner from age 16 till 42, divorced me because he got his 24 year old bitch pregnant. I knew about her, I never confronted him or her. It has taken a couple of years since the divorce to get myself back in shape. I'm now the same size I was in high school, my DD boobs sag a lot more but they are still pretty firm and full. I am a natural blonde, including my trimmed hair below. It is blonde down there, not dark blonde or light brown like a lot of natural blondes get. I started dating about 10 months ago, and with kids out of the house now I'm pretty free. There are a few problems. First, I feel that I am a slut, I don't care about others, or even what they think, I feel that way and I don't feel bad about it. Since dating for the last 10 months I've had 3 one night stands that were very unrewarding, and I have had 12 other men that I've had sex with multiple times.

Problems are these.
I really like my boobs mauled, pinched, twisted, even bruised and I mean very heavily pinched and mauled, my nipples twisted till they feel like they might come off. My ex even got me having orgasms from doing this to me.

I also like being somewhat submissive, I like (yes LIKE) being spanked or paddled on my butt. Especially as a prelude to anal sex.

My ex got me liking anal a lot.

My ex started coming over to see me and have sex with me. He tells me what a mistake it was to marry the young girl since she doesn't respond the way I did. I made sure to tell him how many guys I had sex with, and tell him every time it's someone new also. It makes him jealous and I like that.

So those are the problems. I had sex with George, who literally had the most gorgeous cock I'd ever seen, not just in person but even in movies and pictures. It was perfect, beautiful I worshipped it and he pulled back. In the middle of having sex missionary, I pulled his hand up to my boob and squeezed really tight, and told him to do it more. It just wasn't enough, when I asked him to put it in my butt he freaked out. I tried with other guys, one was really into spanking and that we loved, he did anal on me after, but you could tell he was going too gentle, I was begging him, even talking dirty asking him to hurt me, to rail my ass, to ruin my asshole. That was the last time I saw him too.

I just can't get what I want, my ex knows exactly what to do. So he and I cheat on his wife, and I still let other men fuck me and will continue to let others do it till I find someone who can get me off the way he used to. But I am shy, I am submissive, and it's very difficult to tell someone what you like when it's things like I mentioned. To me it's just saying what I like, seems to most men it's telling them their doing it wrong.