Straight Female / 40
I'm Ready For My Role, But Where Is The Man To Fulfill His Role On Me?
I studied voice for college. I finished and got an opportunity for further study in Vienna. It was my first time abroad, and it was quite intimidating. I didn't like the people, they were very strict and standoffish. My professors were very demanding. To me they disliked me and used me as an example for the other students. As soon as my year was over I returned home.
While I was in Vienna I had a sort of awakening. My life was reserved, my family was reserved. Outward displays of affection were looked down upon and it was duty, duty, duty. In that sense, my family was much like the people I was around in Vienna. I was twenty five when I got back from Vienna. Voice is my passion, but there is no money in it and my aunt convinced me to got to law school. Law school was a lot different, for one I was older and the students were older. I went to law school in NY and lived in a small family owned apartment. I was 'growing' up.
A man followed me home one evening. I had seen him when I left school. And now he was at my door. He said he had seen me in Vienna when I was over there. He remembered my name. It was freakish and uncomfortable. He was an older man, with a beard and grey hair. He didn't ask if he could come in, he pushed his way in. In Vienna he owned a shop which sold instruments to the music academy. He was in NY looking to buy a very special instrument for his collection. To my recollection it was the very first time in my life where I was behind a locked door with a man. A man I didn't know. A man who had followed me. I was nervous. Things went through my mind. He talked but my mind wasn't there. All by myself I had made up my mind that I would suffer in silence, whatever he did.
When he reached for my wrist to get my attention I jumped back. In the best Operatic scene I surrendered immediately, fell back onto the bed in the apartment, with 'just don't hurt me' emanating from my lips. My mind raced, I waited, I had visions of being Red Riding Hood and before me was the Wolf. I waited to be torn limb from limb, to be ravished. I was aware that as I lay before him, I had already opened my legs, inviting him, thrusting my hips up with my hand over my forehead. 'Take it all', I cried.
I heard his gruff voice, telling me to take a hold of myself, what did I think he was going to do. He collected his coat and walked to the door, and left. My r**e was over before it started. I lay on my bed for long while, staring out the window. The man was gone, never to return. I composed myself. I had to wait until I was thirty seven before a man put his hand on me, before a man imposed himself on me, before a man took what he wanted and left me disheveled and walked away. I suffered in silence, as demanded by the Opera. I didn't fight, I didn't resist. Life has never been the same since. I wait at night for a man to come to my door, but a man doesn't come.
While I was in Vienna I had a sort of awakening. My life was reserved, my family was reserved. Outward displays of affection were looked down upon and it was duty, duty, duty. In that sense, my family was much like the people I was around in Vienna. I was twenty five when I got back from Vienna. Voice is my passion, but there is no money in it and my aunt convinced me to got to law school. Law school was a lot different, for one I was older and the students were older. I went to law school in NY and lived in a small family owned apartment. I was 'growing' up.
A man followed me home one evening. I had seen him when I left school. And now he was at my door. He said he had seen me in Vienna when I was over there. He remembered my name. It was freakish and uncomfortable. He was an older man, with a beard and grey hair. He didn't ask if he could come in, he pushed his way in. In Vienna he owned a shop which sold instruments to the music academy. He was in NY looking to buy a very special instrument for his collection. To my recollection it was the very first time in my life where I was behind a locked door with a man. A man I didn't know. A man who had followed me. I was nervous. Things went through my mind. He talked but my mind wasn't there. All by myself I had made up my mind that I would suffer in silence, whatever he did.
When he reached for my wrist to get my attention I jumped back. In the best Operatic scene I surrendered immediately, fell back onto the bed in the apartment, with 'just don't hurt me' emanating from my lips. My mind raced, I waited, I had visions of being Red Riding Hood and before me was the Wolf. I waited to be torn limb from limb, to be ravished. I was aware that as I lay before him, I had already opened my legs, inviting him, thrusting my hips up with my hand over my forehead. 'Take it all', I cried.
I heard his gruff voice, telling me to take a hold of myself, what did I think he was going to do. He collected his coat and walked to the door, and left. My r**e was over before it started. I lay on my bed for long while, staring out the window. The man was gone, never to return. I composed myself. I had to wait until I was thirty seven before a man put his hand on me, before a man imposed himself on me, before a man took what he wanted and left me disheveled and walked away. I suffered in silence, as demanded by the Opera. I didn't fight, I didn't resist. Life has never been the same since. I wait at night for a man to come to my door, but a man doesn't come.
