Straight Female / 57
Had His Baby Without Telling Him
I was in my late 30s, divorced, and living away from my hometown for a while. It took my ex husband years to decide for sure he didn't want kids, and now I could hear my biological clock ticking louder every day. In my new city, I went by another name. I met a good looking but introverted young college student and seduced him. He was perfect for what I had in mind. I took his virginity and he was smitten and wanted a serious relationship with me, but I kept my distance emotionally and strung him along.
When we got to the stage that unprotected sex was going to happen, I told him I was on the pill. Actually, I hadn't been on the pill since my divorce. I wanted a child that would be mine alone. I was financially secure enough to stay home and raise a child without anyone else's support.
I began secretly using charts and fertility monitors, and I managed to be with him often during my fertile days. After three months I missed my period. I left town without saying a word to him, and prayed I wouldn't miscarry.
When my daughter was born, I raised her myself as I'd planned to. She's the light of my life. She's a freshman in college this year, and I think she'll make the dean's list. I told her that her father was an old friend of mine who died when she was a baby. I did have a male friend, an older truck driver (we were never intimate) who was single and was killed in a crash after she was born. My daughter puts flowers on his grave.
I'm to the point where I can admit how selfish I was, but I don't feel as bad as I should. I guess I'm a sociopath or a psychopath or something. I've been thinking about everything that happened. I made a 19 year old naive student a father without telling him, I've lied to my daughter for 18 years, and a dead man who was only a friend gets flowers regularly from the daughter of a woman he probably wouldn't even remember if he were still alive. I don't feel anything about any of it, good or bad, except I love my daughter and I'd do it all again to have her.
When we got to the stage that unprotected sex was going to happen, I told him I was on the pill. Actually, I hadn't been on the pill since my divorce. I wanted a child that would be mine alone. I was financially secure enough to stay home and raise a child without anyone else's support.
I began secretly using charts and fertility monitors, and I managed to be with him often during my fertile days. After three months I missed my period. I left town without saying a word to him, and prayed I wouldn't miscarry.
When my daughter was born, I raised her myself as I'd planned to. She's the light of my life. She's a freshman in college this year, and I think she'll make the dean's list. I told her that her father was an old friend of mine who died when she was a baby. I did have a male friend, an older truck driver (we were never intimate) who was single and was killed in a crash after she was born. My daughter puts flowers on his grave.
I'm to the point where I can admit how selfish I was, but I don't feel as bad as I should. I guess I'm a sociopath or a psychopath or something. I've been thinking about everything that happened. I made a 19 year old naive student a father without telling him, I've lied to my daughter for 18 years, and a dead man who was only a friend gets flowers regularly from the daughter of a woman he probably wouldn't even remember if he were still alive. I don't feel anything about any of it, good or bad, except I love my daughter and I'd do it all again to have her.
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