A Daddy's Girl Forever

My father rejected me when I came out as lesbian. He cut me off and refused to speak to me. I had to drop out of college and I moved to Oakland. I became an outspoken firebrand feminist. My social media reflected my views and feelings, further embarrassing my father. My mother pleaded with me, come home, give up that nonsense, apologize to your father, beg his forgiveness. I did the opposite, I would die a lesbian and my father could go to hell for all I cared.

I was living with a fellow lesbian, but not romantically involved. She pleaded with me, grow up, go home, ask my father to accept me. "I can't respect you are in the wrong, not your father". Fuck you, was my answer.

24 working in food service, fast food, my mother called, my father had pancreatic cancer. Come home now, make peace with your father, come home pregnant, with a husband. My roommate agreed with my mother, I had to go home and make peace with my father. Her brother was finishing his Ph.D. and could step in. It was a civil marriage for this one purpose. My roommate agreed to live with me 'till death did us part, if I got pregnant. I would have to put up with her brother but I would get her in the bargain.

The sperm transfer was real, no eye contact, holding her hands. I went home married and pregnant and cried my heart out at my father's bedside. He put his hand on my head and told me I had been a bad girl. He always wanted me to give him a boat load of grandchildren. He died and my heart sank. I named my son after him, middle name, and had a daughter after him. My husband has a professor position and we live in Iowa, we now have three children. My sister-in-law is my life companion, without her love and support I would be another lost soul in Oakland. My father's hand is with me, he would have been 67, I wish his grandchildren had been able to know him.