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Women Only
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Straight Female / 37
The Triangle We Live In And Unexpected Consequences
As a young wife I had a very difficult pregnancy. The stress of childbirth was a relief to me. The after effects were that I became frigid. Any thought of another pregnancy froze me. My husband found affections in another's arms, she was a very nice girl. She became pregnant and I offered a divorce to my husband. After her child was born it was up to me to care for her daughter.
When this girl turned 13 she asked me if I was her real mother. I said no, but I loved her as my own and her half brother. She didn't accept that, refused to recognize her mother, built a story that I was her mother. Her mother was hurt, blamed me for turning her daughter against her. Nothing was further from the truth.
My husband treated her mother as a wife, and I had not been a wife for many years. Socially my children were from my house, my husband's mistress was not socially present. The child psychologist suggested we involve her mother more, so she sees that her mother is part of the family and she isn't embarrassed of her.
Bringing her mother into my social life was impossible. Granted I had not been a wife in the way she was. But to the world I was and that's the woman I was and to that world she was my daughter. They knew nothing of her secret mother and that my husband had a mistress.
I spoke with her at length, agreed she should spend more time with her daughter, but she did not want to be exposed, or upend her daughter's world. For all purposes I agreed that her daughter belonged to me, but she spend more time with her mother.
I won't pretend that this triangle of my own making hasn't created a problem. None of us expected my stepdaughter to feel embarrassed of her mother. Divorce was the solution, but the divorce never happened. My husband would not have it, abandon his newborn son. And the triangle happened. I am quite frigid, emotionally and physically. She provides my husband with affection and the wife's warmth he needs.
We will struggle with this phase of the children, love them as mother and stepmother. Other families struggle, this is our battle.
When this girl turned 13 she asked me if I was her real mother. I said no, but I loved her as my own and her half brother. She didn't accept that, refused to recognize her mother, built a story that I was her mother. Her mother was hurt, blamed me for turning her daughter against her. Nothing was further from the truth.
My husband treated her mother as a wife, and I had not been a wife for many years. Socially my children were from my house, my husband's mistress was not socially present. The child psychologist suggested we involve her mother more, so she sees that her mother is part of the family and she isn't embarrassed of her.
Bringing her mother into my social life was impossible. Granted I had not been a wife in the way she was. But to the world I was and that's the woman I was and to that world she was my daughter. They knew nothing of her secret mother and that my husband had a mistress.
I spoke with her at length, agreed she should spend more time with her daughter, but she did not want to be exposed, or upend her daughter's world. For all purposes I agreed that her daughter belonged to me, but she spend more time with her mother.
I won't pretend that this triangle of my own making hasn't created a problem. None of us expected my stepdaughter to feel embarrassed of her mother. Divorce was the solution, but the divorce never happened. My husband would not have it, abandon his newborn son. And the triangle happened. I am quite frigid, emotionally and physically. She provides my husband with affection and the wife's warmth he needs.
We will struggle with this phase of the children, love them as mother and stepmother. Other families struggle, this is our battle.
