One Cold Night In Calgary, 2007

I met a lesbian on a flight to Calgary. I know she is a lesbian, she told me. We stayed in the same hotel. February can be cold and that night it got cold. An arctic cold front, getting colder than cold for stateside Southern gentlemen. I presumed pretty cold for a lesbian too.

I called her in the morning, we had checked in at the same time, I remembered her room. I told her going out was out of the question so let's meet for breakfast. She turned me down. I saw her walk across the lobby towards the doors, and turn around and come back in. No cabs, the desk told her.

She did not want to talk. I told her the curling championships were on, maybe a coffee in the lobby was better. It took an hour for her to show. First words out of her mouth were 'no funny business'. Coffee, curling on the tv, time going by slowly. After lunch we did talk. We ran out of conversation so I started the funny business. Was she really a lesbian? How did she know? Had she been with a guy or is what she knew hearsay? She didn't like my funny business.

After a very long afternoon watching curling, she said she was going to take a nap. I went up with her. She stared me down, almost, but I got off on her floor. She left the door open. 'Get it over with'. Like fucking an ironing board. 'That's enough was all she said, and pulled her clothes back on. The weather, wet snow twenty below, thirty below wind chill. We had dinner with all the other 'guests' stuck there. She had warmed up, said she was putting her lesbian away, but I needed to do better. She could 'hardly feel it'.

At night the ironing board was out away, she was downright nice about it. Once she decided she was giving up on her lesbian bullshit things got better. She did 'feel it'. We woke up and the wind and snow had let up. I told her my office was sending a car over, we could drop her off if she wanted. Business was a pain, I wanted to get back to her. She wasn't back yet, so I waited and left a message on her door. 'I need a repeat'.

For a lesbian she was nice about it, to make her feel it. We ate in her room. Showered the next morning. Her flight was at eleven. We had to say goodbye. 'I'm not really a lesbian, but if you call me I will be'.