Acceptance

I bought a condo and moved cities last year to start a new life. Working remotely meant I already had a job so could focus on other things and get settled into my new home. Joined a social group for singles and did some volunteer work to meet new people. Looking at my life I was turning 40 and for years had lived a double life fighting gay desires. In between girlfriends I had casual encounters with men and sexual affairs that lasted a year or 2. Sexually I loved sucking cocks and being sucked. Had enjoyed kissing and mutual masturbation as well but had never gone as far as anal. Recent years I watched gay porn having lost interest in seeing women naked only men.

Feeling guilty and embarrassed about gay desires I kept trying to have relationships with women but things never seemed to last so I always went back to sex with men. Kept telling myself I was bisexual though this felt a bit hollow and not really the whole truth. I had been in my condo a few months and went outside to the parking lot for a cigarette as the building was smoke free. When out there I was Joined by another man who also needed a cigarette. We smoked and chatted and hit it off. Alan is in his late 50's,a big strapping guy with a husky voice and masculine manner. I felt this sexual attraction to him right away but also romantic and intimate leanings which I had never felt before. I had no idea if he was into men at all until he looked at me and invited me to see the lake nearby at sunset in a few hours. It was the way he looked at me. His eyes had that need and desire I had seen in gay or bi men before. Likely the same look in my eyes. I eagerly said yes to his offer and then went inside to prepare a quick meal.

I felt giddy as I met Alan in the parking lot and got into his car. We drove to the lake and parked. We looked at the sunset and the chat got more intimate. He came right out saying he was a gay man and was attracted to me. My body and mind was filled with thoughts of intense desire,lust and a new clarity. In that moment I realized I could no longer pretend I was not gay. I was the same as him. I loved men. For the first time in my life I told him out loud I was gay and attracted to him as well. This confession led to some passionate kissing in the front seat of his car then he sucked my cock. After he drained me I did the same to him marveling at how easily his big meaty cock filled my mouth. We shared a cigarette and he drove me home.

Next thing I know we are seeing each other regularly. Sex at his place, my place,in the car, outdoors. Also going to dinners movies like any couple straight or gay. Alan got me into anal. He preferred to top and I found out I was definitely a bottom and loved a cock in my ass. Him penetrating me became part of every encounter. Been a year now and the sex is deeper and more fulfilling than ever with my lover. I am totally hooked on it now. I find myself letting go and accepting I am a gay man who loves pleasing his partner in all ways.