I'm There, I'm Ready To Be A Mother, Baby Fever Forever

I went out to lunch with a coworker, a family place she heard about. A woman was there with three kids, two boys and a girl. She was efficient, kept them in line without being overbearing. I focused on her instead of my coworker. That evening at my apartment I saw how cold and empty it was. I had caught baby fever.

Whatever you hear about baby fever, it's real. It's all time consuming. Why her and not me? Is it because of my career? Am I so unwanted, other than for a quick date. Without a follow up. Obsession isn't the right word, it's not mental. It's physical, an urge, like needing to go to the bathroom. And the urge doesn't dissipate. It's there. Men are suddenly attractive. But what kind of man? The serious, hardworking, quiet man. Responsible. That's the word.

I day dream about being wet enough to get pregnant. Yes I know, to get pregnant you need to be wet enough, aroused enough, for your carbic to open. The man has to trigger that. I've read that's what aggressive males do, your cervix opens under sexual arousal. That's why you have to have a man on you that's not Marvin Milktoast.

I'm no stranger to men on me. But to be honest they are always thinking of something or someone else, distant, masturbating on me. A man should have sex with you, and take over, be aggressive and impose himself on you. Yes take you, and impose his will on you. So your cervix opens.

I'm looking for that man, he also needs to be responsible and well to do. If I'm going all in I want to be supported. I want three kids, over about five years, two girls, maybe a boy for the father, but all girls would make me happy. I just want to get pregnant, but I know I have to get married first. I want the whole package, man, kids, a dog, a yard, private schools, a late model SUV, no minivan.

I'm ready. That much I know. I'm ready.