Everyone's Always Surprised When I Say It Was My YOUNGER Brother

I'm 3 years older than him, and when he started puberty and started getting his boners he came to me for help. I was 14 and onlt kind of aware that I was gay and having all these feelings that I didn't know what to do with, which is how I explain the fact that I told him to get on top of me and grind into my butt.

He didn't know better yet, he just knew that I knew what to do, and he did it, and he loved it. He started coming to me basically every time he had a boner then. The second time i had to make sure he understood that this had to be a secret. The third time, I was in the middle of falling asleep. We shared a room at the time and he would continue to do it this way, coming to me at night and asking if he could get on top of me to cure his hard penis. I forget how many times it took, but at some point he stopped asking because I always said yes anyway. He just climbed up and did it. And I always got so fucking hard.

And after a handful of those, one night, I couldn't take it anymore. I remember vaguely arching my ass up and subconsciously hoping he'd take the hint somehow, and then abruptly reaching back to pull my boxers down and told him to stick it in. He hesitated but I told him it would feel good, and holy shit it really did. His cock was small so not having lube didn't hurt. It was the first cock inside me.

Then that basically became the new routine. My brother would climb into my bed just about every other night, without asking, and start fucking me. It got to the point where I wouldn't even be woken immediately--I'd wake up with his cock already inside me or even with his cum already dripping out of me.

I'm not sure how much he realized at this time that I really enjoyed it too and that I got off the way he did. He never asked me to fuck him. It became such a regular thing that I barely even thought of it as strange myself. He just knew his big brother's hole was free for him to fuck. Later, though, when years had passed, he must have realized. Because the way he started to change, I feel like I can even accurately call it r**e. A handful of times he would even start fucking my mouth, and that was never discussed or negotiated. And I have to assume that the idea came from the suggestion of someone else, because on one occasion he actually did BRING someone else. At this point we even had separate rooms. He was 14 and I was nearly 18. I was sleeping on my side, and I woke up to the sensation of my ass being fucked, and I thought little of it. I was fine with just staying mostly asleep. But a few seconds later a cock was shoving past my lips, and my eyes shot open, and I could tell it was my brother because he was up so close. For the first time since the first that he r**ed my mouth I actually made a noise because I was so confused, and he shoved his cock in harder. I wasn't able to look down and see who was fucking my ass, and I didn't find out until the next morning, when I saw the friend at breakfast. Genuinely a horrifying moment, seeing his face, knowing my brother must have told him his brother is easy to r**e.

I mean, I was aroused by it too, I'm not gonna lie. But still. I didn't consent, so that's what it was.

The very last time was during college, when I was home for the Christmas of my senior year. I fully expected it. He'd been fucking me every time I came home before then. Usually multiple times. This time, though, he waited until the last night. And he must have waited until extremely late, I'm guessing to make sure I'd really be passed out. I honestly only even know it happened and that it wasn't just a dream because of the cum sticking to my ass in the morning. I'm sure by this point he'd gotten old enough to feel truly ashamed or just too afraid of being caught, or something. But he clearly wanted one last fuck. Since then I've barely seen him at all. He moved across the country and we don't see each other at Christmas anymore. I wonder if he would still fuck me then.

Since I moved out I've continued to get off on it, but in mostly a dissociate-y way. Like, it feels like a weird dream that just gives me the best orgasms. Reliably better than when I have sex with someone else unless that guy is willing to pretend to be my brother or dad or son or to otherwise be r****g me or something. Sometimes vice versa bc I can't help but fantasize about getting to r**e him back, surprise him with MY cock and make him wake up to my cum. I feel disgusting for it sometimes. I'm not sure how to stop getting off to it though.