Gender Neutral / 32
Thrust Against My Will Into The Female Ledger
As a somewhat assertive female attorney I was surprised at a party by a male attorney who took my virginity and left me to deal with an unwanted pregnancy. I am 32 and unmarried, not in a relationship, and not prepared for sex with a male. I was drunk.
It doesn't do any good trying to rethink the matter, or pretend that there is redress because I was drunk. I am pregnant and that's what I have to focus on. Yes, he is an Alpha asshole, a trial attorney, and he has my number. Why I can't stand up for myself is beyond me. I do as soon as he is out of earshot, but in the moment I wilt. That's how I got pregnant. To say he has power over me, he does. And that seriously pisses me off.
I tried to negotiate an abortion. I got a stonewall. Absolutely not. No giving. No soft edges. No is no and that's that. I got my ass pregnant by getting drunk. Now deal with it and keep him posted. I'm not saying he wasn't responsible and would not pick up his paternal responsibilities and take his paternal privileges, which is another issue here. But I have to carry the baby and birth the baby and I imagine I have to nurse the baby. His mother suggests nine months of nursing. He will have visitation rights, come over, coo at the baby and ask me to change the baby. I'm not overthinking this, it's what I know from what I have seen all my life. Men don't get involved until the baby is a boy, if it's a boy. If it's a girl then it's all the mother, and he's the spoiler.
Bottom line I'm screwed. We did have a talk about 'access'. He would like to have 'access' to me. That's in play. 'Access' to the female. For what? Another pregnancy? Or is it for sheer pleasure? I am serious here, if he has 'access' I have a ring and marriage license and I will cut his balls off if he has 'access' to some other female. I'm not sharing his DNA with some other female.
The problem is that there is no way to ensure that he doesn't have access to another female. I won't, it's not in my nature to play ball with some male. I got drunk. That's not playing ball. It is hard enough to contemplate 'access' to me. I am sure that no other male will ever have 'access' to me. But I have to think about the baby and the baby's sibling or siblings. This man has a dream, and it involves a large family. And he has me spotted to make them. Now that he has one in me. We are negotiating the terms of a marriage.
Suffice it to say that one night getting drunk has shifted my whole life path. I now have to contemplate a man who wants 'access' to me for his pleasure or for his intent on fertilizing me. I have to contemplate a man in my house demanding things from me. I have to contemplate a common name with my baby. I have to contemplate some form of 'dress' under duress that looks good in the pictures. I have to contemplate cupcakes and blueberry muffins. Somehow I've got to shift gears from my lawyer persona and become a motherly mother for this baby. I don't' believe I can be schizophrenic.
It doesn't do any good trying to rethink the matter, or pretend that there is redress because I was drunk. I am pregnant and that's what I have to focus on. Yes, he is an Alpha asshole, a trial attorney, and he has my number. Why I can't stand up for myself is beyond me. I do as soon as he is out of earshot, but in the moment I wilt. That's how I got pregnant. To say he has power over me, he does. And that seriously pisses me off.
I tried to negotiate an abortion. I got a stonewall. Absolutely not. No giving. No soft edges. No is no and that's that. I got my ass pregnant by getting drunk. Now deal with it and keep him posted. I'm not saying he wasn't responsible and would not pick up his paternal responsibilities and take his paternal privileges, which is another issue here. But I have to carry the baby and birth the baby and I imagine I have to nurse the baby. His mother suggests nine months of nursing. He will have visitation rights, come over, coo at the baby and ask me to change the baby. I'm not overthinking this, it's what I know from what I have seen all my life. Men don't get involved until the baby is a boy, if it's a boy. If it's a girl then it's all the mother, and he's the spoiler.
Bottom line I'm screwed. We did have a talk about 'access'. He would like to have 'access' to me. That's in play. 'Access' to the female. For what? Another pregnancy? Or is it for sheer pleasure? I am serious here, if he has 'access' I have a ring and marriage license and I will cut his balls off if he has 'access' to some other female. I'm not sharing his DNA with some other female.
The problem is that there is no way to ensure that he doesn't have access to another female. I won't, it's not in my nature to play ball with some male. I got drunk. That's not playing ball. It is hard enough to contemplate 'access' to me. I am sure that no other male will ever have 'access' to me. But I have to think about the baby and the baby's sibling or siblings. This man has a dream, and it involves a large family. And he has me spotted to make them. Now that he has one in me. We are negotiating the terms of a marriage.
Suffice it to say that one night getting drunk has shifted my whole life path. I now have to contemplate a man who wants 'access' to me for his pleasure or for his intent on fertilizing me. I have to contemplate a man in my house demanding things from me. I have to contemplate a common name with my baby. I have to contemplate some form of 'dress' under duress that looks good in the pictures. I have to contemplate cupcakes and blueberry muffins. Somehow I've got to shift gears from my lawyer persona and become a motherly mother for this baby. I don't' believe I can be schizophrenic.
