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Dating Disasters
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Bi-Sexual Female / 27
Torn Between Him And Her, I'm At A Loss Moving Forward
One weekend I lost my virginity to the roommate of a guy who had dated my sister. The next day my best friend while comforting me came out declaring her love for me. You can well imagine, the weekend was emotional windsheer. I truly cared fir my best friend, I loved her. But did I want 'her' like that? How about having had virginity ending sex with a guy.
Because she and I had a ling standing personal relationship morph into an intimate relationship. For some reason, physical intimacy with a woman was not as difficult as the same with a guy. Lots of reasons given, but I slipped into being with her, and loving her was natural.
As we went out into the real world, buying a house together, and then getting married, the pull on me to have a home like my parents, children around the Christmas tree, new bikes, dolls and books to read. I wanted to live the life I did as a child. We investigated the adoption route, the donor route, the personal sex route, but none of those gave me a father at the table.
Sex had become standard, a couple of times a month. Our social circle was one hundred percent women, some obnoxious, some near and dear. But no man at the table. If I wanted a home with a man and father I had to go that route.
After a year I met the man for whom I wanted to carry. We had to divorce in order to get married, or have my children out of wedlock. Getting pregnant pushed the issue onto the front burner.
Divorced, and married, two children and a house in the suburbs, I left my husband for my exwife. I can't please myself, my ex or my husband. I'm overthinking, and torn from my husband's presence. My table has no head, my children need their father. My home is not what I dreamed of. It's me, I can't leave them, not my home, not my children, not my wife, not my husband.
Because she and I had a ling standing personal relationship morph into an intimate relationship. For some reason, physical intimacy with a woman was not as difficult as the same with a guy. Lots of reasons given, but I slipped into being with her, and loving her was natural.
As we went out into the real world, buying a house together, and then getting married, the pull on me to have a home like my parents, children around the Christmas tree, new bikes, dolls and books to read. I wanted to live the life I did as a child. We investigated the adoption route, the donor route, the personal sex route, but none of those gave me a father at the table.
Sex had become standard, a couple of times a month. Our social circle was one hundred percent women, some obnoxious, some near and dear. But no man at the table. If I wanted a home with a man and father I had to go that route.
After a year I met the man for whom I wanted to carry. We had to divorce in order to get married, or have my children out of wedlock. Getting pregnant pushed the issue onto the front burner.
Divorced, and married, two children and a house in the suburbs, I left my husband for my exwife. I can't please myself, my ex or my husband. I'm overthinking, and torn from my husband's presence. My table has no head, my children need their father. My home is not what I dreamed of. It's me, I can't leave them, not my home, not my children, not my wife, not my husband.
