My Mom Always Spanked Me Bare-bottom And Would Hit My Pussy

I never really knew until recently that it wasn't even normal to be spanked with your pants down. But my mom always did. I specifically remember getting wet from it especially when I got older, and she kept spanking me as punishment until I was out of the house, basically. I genuinely just saw it as normal. The palm of her hand definitely hit my pussy a lot, and honestly I sometimes started to do bad things on purpose because I wanted to feel her hit it. I'd feel her fingers go in sometimes with each smack and I thought it was part of the punishment because of how it hurt at first.

I knew back then that *I* was probably weird for wanting it but I swear to god I thought what she was doing was normal, and I was just recently mentioning to my gf about how I started to realize I was a lesbian because I liked it when my mom hit my pussy when she spanked me, and she was like "when she WHAT??" So now I'm trying to figure out what I should do, if I should say something to my mom, if I should think that she knew what she was doing...? I can't help but feel even more aroused now from thinking about it, even though it feels bad.

Honestly I know my horny lesbian child self would have fallen really easily for being straight up groomed if it meant that kind of intimacy with a woman, no matter who the woman was. My fantasies have been in all these horrible places since I had that conversation with my girlfriend. I've found myself disappointed that my mom didn't go further. And I admit it's not the first time ever, but it's at least the first time since I was a kid, that I've fingered myself thinking about my mom. Does anyone know what I can do to get over this? Or figure out what my mom's deal was??

(sorry for reposting, i just realized i put it in the wrong category)