You Know What They Say About Fences

My neighbor is a waste of oxygen. NOBODY likes him. He calls the police on each of his neighbors about a dozen times a year each. We are all on a first name basis with half the department. And its not us doing anything wrong and the cops are getting annoyed with him. It's everything from my grass is a quarter inch taller than city code allows. It's my TV is too loud at three O'Clock in the afternoon. It's the leaves from my maple tree falling into his yard. It's I put my trash out for collection 15 minutes too soon and taking the empty barrels back in an hour too late. It's my bird feeders attract birds who shit on his grass. You get the idea. So we all got together. All the neighbors. We decided to get him arrested. So we coordinated. We all turned on all our devices, radios, TV's, stereos, phones etc to the same obnoxious music blasting it as loud as we could. He went outside and walked around and could not figure out who was making the noise so we saw him get on his phone. We are in a cul-de-sac so we had one neighbor stand guard at the entrance and as soon as they saw the police drive down the street he called in and we all shut off our devices. The police drove up to our neighbor and knew him by name because they had been there dozens of times before and he wanted to file a noise complaint. The police asked why and he told them about the extremely loud music. They asked "what music?" There was none. The neighborhood was absolutely dead silent. Not even birds chirping. So the police left. As soon as the lookout signaled the coast was clear we let him have it again. So he called the police again and again they came and it was silent again. That time they warned not to call again. So we repeated and the police came and arrested him for repeatedly calling in false reports. As he was taken out of the neighborhood we all cheered.

When he got out of jail two days later we repeated the entire exercise. He was arrested again and this time was gone for a week. Then a third time and he was gone for two weeks then again and he was gone for two months and finally the last time we did it he never came back. A few months after the last time he departed a real estate agent put up signs to sell the house and it was gone a few months after that. We now have a really nice quiet family living in that house who we take turns inviting over for a cook out and we have three block parties a year and all the other things neighbors like to do with each other.