Gay Male / 46
Anyone Else Ever Been Ashamed Of Having A Big Cock?
I'm not trans, i dont want to be a woman, I've wondered and very definitely come to the conclusion NO. I am all man. But now and then throughout my life I've had this feeling that my dick was useless. And the size definitely added to that, somehow. I'm a little under 9 inches erect and have been since the end of puberty.
I have spent a lot of time loving it, loving playing with it, and feeling proud of it, powerful BECAUSE of it... especially when other men liked it. Before I accepted that I wanted men (and only men), though, it was very often I would kind of hate it, too. Because of it I got a lot of sexual attention that I didn't want, all while not knowing why I didn't want it, and therefore not even fully understanding THAT I didn't. I'd have sex with women and technically enjoy the sensation, but I'd feel gross afterward. And then I'd feel bad for feeling gross and it would make a vicious cycle that I tracked back to my st,*pid dick, and it just only made sense to blame it and hate it.
I think I had this sense from early on, in an opposite way to which a lot of closeted gay men do so, that my dick was REALLY not me. Instead of trying to separate homosexual thoughts from myself, it was lingering heterosexual instincts I hated. Even while afraid of being gay I was also disgusted with being straight. I genuinely didn't WANT to enjoy fucking a woman. It just made me feel more confused and sick.
And now that I've gotten more of an understanding of what I want and what I love, all that just feels so weird to think about. But also, because of how long I spent before, seeing my dick in the mirror or when I changed and thinking that life would make more sense without it, I still have the feeling come back sometimes. I really wish it would leave because I know I would NOT want to get rid of it and I love using it. I don't get this feeling after I fuck my husband, I just get it when I'm alone now.
Do I sound insane or does anyone else relate?
I have spent a lot of time loving it, loving playing with it, and feeling proud of it, powerful BECAUSE of it... especially when other men liked it. Before I accepted that I wanted men (and only men), though, it was very often I would kind of hate it, too. Because of it I got a lot of sexual attention that I didn't want, all while not knowing why I didn't want it, and therefore not even fully understanding THAT I didn't. I'd have sex with women and technically enjoy the sensation, but I'd feel gross afterward. And then I'd feel bad for feeling gross and it would make a vicious cycle that I tracked back to my st,*pid dick, and it just only made sense to blame it and hate it.
I think I had this sense from early on, in an opposite way to which a lot of closeted gay men do so, that my dick was REALLY not me. Instead of trying to separate homosexual thoughts from myself, it was lingering heterosexual instincts I hated. Even while afraid of being gay I was also disgusted with being straight. I genuinely didn't WANT to enjoy fucking a woman. It just made me feel more confused and sick.
And now that I've gotten more of an understanding of what I want and what I love, all that just feels so weird to think about. But also, because of how long I spent before, seeing my dick in the mirror or when I changed and thinking that life would make more sense without it, I still have the feeling come back sometimes. I really wish it would leave because I know I would NOT want to get rid of it and I love using it. I don't get this feeling after I fuck my husband, I just get it when I'm alone now.
Do I sound insane or does anyone else relate?
- That's Juicy! 1
- Remove It! 16
