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Lesbian Stories
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Lesbian Female / 51
Walking The Walk As An Adult
Unbearing my soul. As a child I had a normal girlhood. My grandmother lived with us and she was the one we learned about girl stuff. My mother was very much a girl but she worked outside the house. There was just no question about it, born a girl, be a girl. I suppose my brother says the same thing, he never had a choice, he was going to be a boy, and a man.
It was in my early teens that I began to question myself. Why didn't I like boys? And why did I like this certain girl? We didn't 'experiment', we talked over and over about our reality, one day we were going to get pregnant, and we knew how that happened, and that's where we drew the line. Not me!
When we finished high school she went to beauty school and I went to work with my mother. She had a lot of influence and me working there meant being trained. One day the owner told my mother things were different, maybe I needed to be sent to college. Things were changing. Going to college meant leaving home. That was the day we had 'sex'. She shook in my arms, distraught that I was leaving. My life changed that day.
In college, a small state college, I did well in school. Worked summers with my mother, went homes many weekends, and spent every available hour with my girlfriend. We had 'real' sex. I read up on it at the library at college. It's a big, big step the first time you open up a girl and stick your tongue in her.
I finished my degree with a job waiting for me. By them the rumors in town were repeating the same thing. It had to do with us being, you know, girls who weren't ever getting married. We remained home girls, meaning we lived at home and didn't move out. At home I never got any pushback, but I was reminded that not having children was a very special kind of loneliness, and emptiness I could never fill.
I surrendered myself at 37 to a man. All I could think about was how he could like looking at that. It was bad enough having one, but looking at it? Yuck, triple yuck. Well, it was yuck all the way around. I succumbed to societal norms, got married and had two later in life children. My girlfriend did much the same, time was literally running out for us.
We are late middle aged lesbians living in the town where we were born. We have husbands and early teen children, who are parsed out to learn how to be girls, and how to be boys. We repeat what we were told, it is about children, there is no substitute for them. That kind of loneliness is not something you wish for your worst enemy. And if it means joining the legions of married women, then do it. You will always have that girlfriend, even if you make a bed for a man.
It was in my early teens that I began to question myself. Why didn't I like boys? And why did I like this certain girl? We didn't 'experiment', we talked over and over about our reality, one day we were going to get pregnant, and we knew how that happened, and that's where we drew the line. Not me!
When we finished high school she went to beauty school and I went to work with my mother. She had a lot of influence and me working there meant being trained. One day the owner told my mother things were different, maybe I needed to be sent to college. Things were changing. Going to college meant leaving home. That was the day we had 'sex'. She shook in my arms, distraught that I was leaving. My life changed that day.
In college, a small state college, I did well in school. Worked summers with my mother, went homes many weekends, and spent every available hour with my girlfriend. We had 'real' sex. I read up on it at the library at college. It's a big, big step the first time you open up a girl and stick your tongue in her.
I finished my degree with a job waiting for me. By them the rumors in town were repeating the same thing. It had to do with us being, you know, girls who weren't ever getting married. We remained home girls, meaning we lived at home and didn't move out. At home I never got any pushback, but I was reminded that not having children was a very special kind of loneliness, and emptiness I could never fill.
I surrendered myself at 37 to a man. All I could think about was how he could like looking at that. It was bad enough having one, but looking at it? Yuck, triple yuck. Well, it was yuck all the way around. I succumbed to societal norms, got married and had two later in life children. My girlfriend did much the same, time was literally running out for us.
We are late middle aged lesbians living in the town where we were born. We have husbands and early teen children, who are parsed out to learn how to be girls, and how to be boys. We repeat what we were told, it is about children, there is no substitute for them. That kind of loneliness is not something you wish for your worst enemy. And if it means joining the legions of married women, then do it. You will always have that girlfriend, even if you make a bed for a man.
