Discovering Gay Porn And Gay Sex And I Can't Get Enough

I lost my job over this. I started getting into porn when I was alone and my wife was in Augusta with her mother going into hospice. I discovered over the week that I preferred gay porn to masturbate to. At night I replayed in my mind some of what I had been watching, imagining myself in the picture. Always, every time, I was the one getting fucked. The more I watched the more I wanted to experience it.

I got caught at work, by the IT department, viewing gay porn on the company computer and was fired. I was home alone, jerking off all day long, until my dick hurt and I had trouble making more cum. I dreamed at night, and I day dreamed of sucking cock, or getting a cock up my ass. I visited an adult sex store and bought some lube and playtoy. I lubed up my ass and inserted this dick up my ass, with my legs up high I pumped the dick back and forth. I maneuvered a mirror so that I could see myself, so I could inspect my ass, so I could take pictures.

I was at the post office mailing a package to my wife and in line I talked to this guy. He was a veteran and said he was disabled. I couldn't see anything and he said it was PTSD. I asked him if PTSD got in the way of getting it up. He said no, never did. I got brave and told him I would suck his cock if he wanted. Turned out he liked having sex with a guy and we went to my house and I sucked my first cock. It was everything I dreamed of. We got around to the point where I needed him to get on me and drill me and he went along with it and fucked me. He said it was the first time he fucked a man. But he liked it and I liked it so we became good friends, watched porn by throwing the laptop onto the tv screen, sucked cock and fucked. The more he fucked me the more I liked it. We got pretty good at it. It really got good when we started to make out and spend more time setting it up.

I am well aware that I am far away from being gay. Neither is my sex friend. We just like to suck cock and fuck. It's good for his PTSD and it's good for me. I would rather kiss him than my wife. I have a collection of videos that I've downloaded onto a thumbdrive and I watch them over and over. I can get pretty hard watching a man getting his ass fucked, but I get harder watching a video where men kiss first before sucking cock. It's the set up, the anticipation.

Well that's about it. I am looking for a job but porn and my friend get in the way of me taking it seriously. My wife's mother is hanging on, although they have stopped the chemo. I don't have any idea what I'm going to do when she gets back. I want to make out with my friend and suck and fuck with him, not her.