I Realized I Have Rapekink

I believe i might have r**e kink

First of all i never got r**ed. Ironically this is my worst fear, i always try to avoid it since i was a teenager, but at the same time when i fantasing myself get r**ed by a group of dominant men who treat me nothing more than a slut, i immediately get wet

This is my main most common sexual fantasy i have since i was a little girl

I make fake scenarios of me being a teenager and get r**ed by my bullies at the school toilets, or by strangers at the streets, or at the bus, or i imagine myself as a feminist being r**ed by misogynistic men to put me in my place and make me addicted to sex with them

Somtimes i fantasing myself younger than teenager and i know it's taboo and i feel shame about it but i can't stop enjoy it

Sometimes even worse, i kinda jealous of any girl or a woman who gets r**ed and says that she liked it and crave for more
I imagine myself be them and then again i immidiately get wet
I didn't mean to offend anyone with what i said, i know nobody wants to actually get r**ed but sometimes can be complicated

I don't know where this kink came from and why i have it, maybe because i have quiet and passive personality, maybe i have some kind of trauma i don't realize, I don't know how I would react if i would really got r**ed, something inside me tells me that i would loved it and hate it at the same time

But i guess i will never know