A Little Bit About Being Disabled

I offered my classmate a ride so she wouldn't have to walk in the rain. At the corner of her complex a pickup ran the stop sign and killed her, broke me up and in the hospital. Three years of therapy, a wheel chair, living pain. He is already out of jail.

I finished a degree on line, my job is also remote. Lonely, making life, undesired. I met a man online, lost his legs in the field. He was total asshole, nothing about his legs, every one that knows him says he has always been an asshole.

I applied for a job, more money. It's office dominant, with accommodation for the disabled. The work I can do, the office atmosphere is fine and friendly, it's the commute on the bus I hate. A fellow worker offered to ferry me, I feel so helpless.

I dream about dancing, swimming, dating. Eating alone sucks. I am fantasizing about the man that ferries me. As if I could have sex, feel something. And why would he even think about me?

I don't want to get old like this. It's no comfort saying I survived and she didn't. I find that offensive. She had dreams, a boyfriend, family, parents.

I do wish I could have sex again, but that's one of the therapies. Forget it.